paris, je t'aime

[bossymarmalade]

So it’s been a day, two technically if you want to look at it like that. I didn’t do any jet lag things because I’m just too everything to bother with that. That everything is mostly selfish, but I’m telling that honest voice in my head to get out of town. I don’t need it on my back right now. I’m not acclimating my time to yours, I’m here and you’ll figure it out. Not that it really mattered anyway, by the time I arrived it’d already taken me a day in Metropolis time to get here. Instead of staying up for a second day in a row I crashed in the king sized bed the hotel plunked me with.

I sprawled out like a starfish when I hit the bed. The sheets were soft, and the pillows were firm enough too. You couldn’t ask for a better hotel bed, really. As I stretched out and kicked my shoes to the floor I started to laugh. Like, unexpected guttural laugh till my sides hurt. I sat up and stared at myself laughing in the mirror that hung on the wall opposite the bed. There I was just staring right back at that stranger laughing at how funny it’d be to sleep alone without the possibility of her husband slipping in durring the middle of the night for the first time in….ah oh god. Just as soon as it started, it stopped.

Then I wondered if Clark would try and follow me here. He didn’t have much cause to really. My note, while not incredibly detailed, didn’t give him any reason to fear. He might’ve even seen a blurb about me arriving here on tv for all I knew. Extra bonus. If Clark wouldn’t leave, neither would Billy. And that was good, he didn’t need to see me with this everything. Not after how he was yesterday…

Two days ago? I don’t know, time…it’s different when you’re trying to detach.

Is that what I’m doing really though, is that what I want to tell myself? This is ‘detaching’. From what, being married and a Mom to an eleven year old all in under a year? Don’t forget 30th birthday because that’s just…yeah. I stand up and hurl a heel across the room, but this fucking hotel. It’s so god damn big that shoe doesn’t even hit anything to satisfy me, so I grab it and I set it down neatly against the bed with it’s partner. If destruction won’t do, I’ll go for anal-retentive.

And that’s where things start to fade, but oh that stupid honest voice. It doesn’t stay quiet for long. Halfway through trying to fall asleep it made me want to call home and tell them I’m okay, but I couldn’t get myself to dial the number. I fell asleep to the off-hook-tone, which actually isn’t as blaring as you’d think. Really.