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bossymarmalade) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thejusticelounge2012-04-28 08:51 pm
bossymarmalade) wrote in thejusticelounge2012-04-28 08:51 pm
am not
part 1: jason's diary
fuck you ollie
Considering that Jason’d thought that they weregood? That he and Ollie had made up SOMEhow?
After this - stupid shit that Ollie had pulled…
Fuck it. He knew he couldn’t have trusted anyone, least of all rich spoilt shit assholes like Bruce and Oliver. They’re like every fucking so called social worker out there, claiming to help but they didn’t actually KNOW what someone like Jay or any other street kid would need - no, just talkign about theirfeelings.
And then storming out after a goddamn session claiming that Jay of course was a little thug and it was a good thing Wayne adopted him because otherwise he’d be a criminal.
Well fuck them all. Jason didn’t need this. Didn’t need SerVE. And he didn’t need fucking handouts from any of these rich bastards who couldn’t see past their passive-aggressive assholes.
-----------------
part 2: sympathy
“Am not crying,” Jason scowled, sitting up and huffing, trying to hide his face.
Zatanna gave a small, sympathetic smile toward’s Jason’s reply, “You are when it comes to me then.” Rubbing her hand gently against his back she requested again, ”Come on- spit it out. What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing, ” Jason muttered, scowling more. “I’m not a sociopath or shit.”
Zatanna’s hand caught against the fabric of Jason’s shirt, causing a quick tumble of words to fall from her mouth in a flutter of reassurances, “Oh Jason- you’re not…everyone’s got some inner demons. You’re not…a sociopath. You’re just Jason.”
Jason’s breathing caught, a little, and he found himself leaning towards Zatanna- and had to make himself stop. “I’m not,” he said, feeling the words crack inside. “B don’t think I am me and even GA thinks i’m a sociopath -”
“Don’t listen to them.” Zatanna snapped, springing to his defence instantly, “Bruce will take some time…adjusting. I have a feeling he’ll come around eventually. Ollie, well he’s just being…Ollie. Ignore him as much as you like, it’ll go away on it’s own.”
Jason couldn’t help the little twitch in his mouth. “Really? Just… ignore it and they will go away?” He bit his lip and looked down. “I dunno, Zee. They - B- B doesn’t think i’m his son anymore and Ollie … doesn’t like me. I dunno what I’m doing here, Zee.”
Without any hesitation, Zatanna pulled Jason in for a hug, “You’re trying to do the right thing- that’s what you’re doing here.” She whispered, “Just don’t go playing into Ollie’s games, and trust me- Bruce will come around. You’ll always be his son, it’s just- different now, and he needs to figure out how he feels about it.” She rubbed small, comforting circles against his back once more as she spoke, reminding him, “You’re still Jason- it’s going to work out and it’s going to be alright. Just give it some time…you’ll see.”
Jason squeaked, a little, at the hug. “But how long, Zee? How long do I gotta give him? I promised not to kill anymore, but that isn’t enough for him - for anyone. I still get called shit, and I wanna - just -“
He was sniffling again, to his horror. “I don’t think I’m strong ‘nough like Gardner - he don’t need family.”
----------------------------
part 3: relief
OQ: Yeah — at the start of this all, I was exactly where you are right now, Gardner, sticking up for Jason and thinking he just needed somebody to believe in him and listen to his side of things. Good luck with him. Maybe you’ll do better than I did; I honestly hope you do.
GG: I don’t claim to be a miracle worker, Ollie. Frankly, he reminds me a lot of me. He’s a warrior, not a hero. He don’t get any positive reinforcement for the stuff he does right, he just gets shit on for what he’s done wrong, no matter how long ago it was. People’s memories for that crap is too damned long if ya ask me.
Have ya thought about just tellin’ the kid when he does well? If he looks up to ya, respects ya, an’ you respect him back…maybe you’d get a lot further with him, that’s all I’m sayin’. Don’t give up on him. Besides, he’s right, and so are you - you are a passive aggressive shit. *grins*
OQ: I can say with complete certainty that I’ve tried EVERYTHING I humanly can with the kid. He’s had a rough life and it’s affected him; getting murdered and coming back from the goddamn dead has affected him. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. Hell, I must’ve hollered back and forth with Bats about that about a million times already.
But it doesn’t matter how much positive reinforcement I or anybody else give him — he wants more and more and yells and demands and throws shit and *lies* and doesn’t give a fuck if he hurts anybody else in his quest for what he wants. I don’t want to give up on him, but I think it’s pretty clear that at this point, in his head, I’m the enemy. Hell, my girlfriend just tried to take him out for lunch and chat with him, and he told people that she THREATENED him. I can’t deal with that.
So if there’s some warrior’s code that you think’ll get through to him, that’s great. Like I said, I wish you luck (and by the way, do you wanna take over for me when it comes to getting his reports of what he’s doing in Gotham? He’s on a program where he doesn’t kill anybody so Batman doesn’t throw him in Blackgate, so he has to make reports of his activities).
He’s tapped out all of my emotional resources at this point. I hope you don’t end up in the same place I’m at.
GG: I can try, Ollie…but I have a universe to look after. How’s he going to react if I have to return to Oa? Don’t ya think the kid has enough abandonment issues already? Look I’ll try talkin’ to him, but right now, I don’t know if it’s fair to him to accept him on as a full-fledged responsibility.
Y’think we could just play this by ear?
OQ: Lanterns! Always jetting off on yet another space-Republican militaristic boy’s own adventure. Hunh.
… Playing it by ear is better than I could’ve hoped for, Gardner. You’re right about the abandonment issues — just anxious to get this sorted out, I guess.
Thanks for spelling me as much as you can. I owe you one.
GG: Hey, who are ya callin’ “boy”?
…An’ yer welcome.
------------------------------------
part 4: jason's diary
Fucker Fucking ASSHOLE [underlined several times]
It’s like I never learn. Nevber Never fucking LEARN!! There’s always some fucking catch somewhere and it’s always about the other fucker.
I mean seriously. You woulda thought that I’d know this shit when I was fucking ten years old!
No such thing as a goddamned free lunch, the johns always [blurred crossed out] want something, especially the ones who say that they don’t.
The richer, the bigger they are, the more likely [blurred] they’re gonna fuck you in the ass. Without a goddamn rubber. Fuckers [blurred].
Lucky I didn’t count on a Queen trust fund [blurred]. Don’t want his goddamn money anyway.
I’ll figure something out. Not like I’m without options.
I have to [crossed out several times]
At least, this th time I’m old enough to fucking bartend.
-----------------------------
part 5: messages
DL: Talk to me anytime, Jaybird. I'll always listen :)
JT: Oh, it’s you. I mean, not in a bad way, but wouldn’t this be - worse on you? I mean you and Ollie were … *makes finger gestures*
DL: "Were" is the key word here. Listen, Jay. I'm not trying to oust Ollie because we used to go out. I don't hate him, despite what he seems to think, I'm just trying to be a supportive friend. I mean, you seem genuinely hurt because of what happened and it makes me sad that anyone could hurt you in this way. Please let me be here for you, even just as someone you can rant to.
JT: I’m… i’m fine. He’d. He’d get more pissed at you anyway, besides. I mean.
Fuck. I’ll deal okay? I’ll. I’ll deal with shit it’s not like I cared about trying to get out of blackgate, it’s a threat I always had and I don’t give a shit about him and his fucking SeRVE anyway. He. I.
Fuck.
*looks down at his fists*
---------------------------------
part 6: telling
Mia: What the fuck is going on? Why do I miss everything?
Jason: You should probably talk to Queen about that, since I’m a fucking sociopath. and he’s merely passive-aggressive who admits he has a problem.
Mia: Or you could tell me.
Jason: ‘cept Queen’s gonna say I am brainwashing you or shit. I dunno. He says I never tell HIS side or whatever, just MINE and -
Fuck. I thought we were good, he and I - i - I made a mistake and shit cause I just wanted to talk and he kept brushing me off, and then I made the mistake and he got, extra pissed and shit and stuff and I tried to make up or at least talk to him about it and then.
‘pparently Ms Spencer heard about it, but I dunno who woulda told HER because… I dunno and then she threatened me - you know, being all, Sweet Smile but threatening body language? It’s not that it’s. It was. I dunno, it’s not PHYSICAL but shit - I. I fuck - I confronted Queen ‘bout it and then he accused me of being a liar and something and then next thing I know he’s posted this shit about me being a sociopath and how he’s tired of helping me and giving up and that I don’t deserve shit and -
Fuck. Just - Fuck.
I don’t care about his money or his shit or his help - I don’t care about his fucking SeRVE anymore.
Mia: Heard about what? … Ok… so yeah like I’m pretty sure I don’t have all the information about what the hell is going on… So yeah. But like… I don’t know....
Jason: You should just ask Queen, Dearden. He’d give you all the information you need.
Mia: fine. I’ll ask him.
fuck you ollie
Considering that Jason’d thought that they weregood? That he and Ollie had made up SOMEhow?
After this - stupid shit that Ollie had pulled…
Fuck it. He knew he couldn’t have trusted anyone, least of all rich spoilt shit assholes like Bruce and Oliver. They’re like every fucking so called social worker out there, claiming to help but they didn’t actually KNOW what someone like Jay or any other street kid would need - no, just talkign about theirfeelings.
And then storming out after a goddamn session claiming that Jay of course was a little thug and it was a good thing Wayne adopted him because otherwise he’d be a criminal.
Well fuck them all. Jason didn’t need this. Didn’t need SerVE. And he didn’t need fucking handouts from any of these rich bastards who couldn’t see past their passive-aggressive assholes.
-----------------
part 2: sympathy
“Am not crying,” Jason scowled, sitting up and huffing, trying to hide his face.
Zatanna gave a small, sympathetic smile toward’s Jason’s reply, “You are when it comes to me then.” Rubbing her hand gently against his back she requested again, ”Come on- spit it out. What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing, ” Jason muttered, scowling more. “I’m not a sociopath or shit.”
Zatanna’s hand caught against the fabric of Jason’s shirt, causing a quick tumble of words to fall from her mouth in a flutter of reassurances, “Oh Jason- you’re not…everyone’s got some inner demons. You’re not…a sociopath. You’re just Jason.”
Jason’s breathing caught, a little, and he found himself leaning towards Zatanna- and had to make himself stop. “I’m not,” he said, feeling the words crack inside. “B don’t think I am me and even GA thinks i’m a sociopath -”
“Don’t listen to them.” Zatanna snapped, springing to his defence instantly, “Bruce will take some time…adjusting. I have a feeling he’ll come around eventually. Ollie, well he’s just being…Ollie. Ignore him as much as you like, it’ll go away on it’s own.”
Jason couldn’t help the little twitch in his mouth. “Really? Just… ignore it and they will go away?” He bit his lip and looked down. “I dunno, Zee. They - B- B doesn’t think i’m his son anymore and Ollie … doesn’t like me. I dunno what I’m doing here, Zee.”
Without any hesitation, Zatanna pulled Jason in for a hug, “You’re trying to do the right thing- that’s what you’re doing here.” She whispered, “Just don’t go playing into Ollie’s games, and trust me- Bruce will come around. You’ll always be his son, it’s just- different now, and he needs to figure out how he feels about it.” She rubbed small, comforting circles against his back once more as she spoke, reminding him, “You’re still Jason- it’s going to work out and it’s going to be alright. Just give it some time…you’ll see.”
Jason squeaked, a little, at the hug. “But how long, Zee? How long do I gotta give him? I promised not to kill anymore, but that isn’t enough for him - for anyone. I still get called shit, and I wanna - just -“
He was sniffling again, to his horror. “I don’t think I’m strong ‘nough like Gardner - he don’t need family.”
----------------------------
part 3: relief
OQ: Yeah — at the start of this all, I was exactly where you are right now, Gardner, sticking up for Jason and thinking he just needed somebody to believe in him and listen to his side of things. Good luck with him. Maybe you’ll do better than I did; I honestly hope you do.
GG: I don’t claim to be a miracle worker, Ollie. Frankly, he reminds me a lot of me. He’s a warrior, not a hero. He don’t get any positive reinforcement for the stuff he does right, he just gets shit on for what he’s done wrong, no matter how long ago it was. People’s memories for that crap is too damned long if ya ask me.
Have ya thought about just tellin’ the kid when he does well? If he looks up to ya, respects ya, an’ you respect him back…maybe you’d get a lot further with him, that’s all I’m sayin’. Don’t give up on him. Besides, he’s right, and so are you - you are a passive aggressive shit. *grins*
OQ: I can say with complete certainty that I’ve tried EVERYTHING I humanly can with the kid. He’s had a rough life and it’s affected him; getting murdered and coming back from the goddamn dead has affected him. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. Hell, I must’ve hollered back and forth with Bats about that about a million times already.
But it doesn’t matter how much positive reinforcement I or anybody else give him — he wants more and more and yells and demands and throws shit and *lies* and doesn’t give a fuck if he hurts anybody else in his quest for what he wants. I don’t want to give up on him, but I think it’s pretty clear that at this point, in his head, I’m the enemy. Hell, my girlfriend just tried to take him out for lunch and chat with him, and he told people that she THREATENED him. I can’t deal with that.
So if there’s some warrior’s code that you think’ll get through to him, that’s great. Like I said, I wish you luck (and by the way, do you wanna take over for me when it comes to getting his reports of what he’s doing in Gotham? He’s on a program where he doesn’t kill anybody so Batman doesn’t throw him in Blackgate, so he has to make reports of his activities).
He’s tapped out all of my emotional resources at this point. I hope you don’t end up in the same place I’m at.
GG: I can try, Ollie…but I have a universe to look after. How’s he going to react if I have to return to Oa? Don’t ya think the kid has enough abandonment issues already? Look I’ll try talkin’ to him, but right now, I don’t know if it’s fair to him to accept him on as a full-fledged responsibility.
Y’think we could just play this by ear?
OQ: Lanterns! Always jetting off on yet another space-Republican militaristic boy’s own adventure. Hunh.
… Playing it by ear is better than I could’ve hoped for, Gardner. You’re right about the abandonment issues — just anxious to get this sorted out, I guess.
Thanks for spelling me as much as you can. I owe you one.
GG: Hey, who are ya callin’ “boy”?
…An’ yer welcome.
------------------------------------
part 4: jason's diary
Fucker Fucking ASSHOLE [underlined several times]
It’s like I never learn. Nevber Never fucking LEARN!! There’s always some fucking catch somewhere and it’s always about the other fucker.
I mean seriously. You woulda thought that I’d know this shit when I was fucking ten years old!
No such thing as a goddamned free lunch, the johns always [blurred crossed out] want something, especially the ones who say that they don’t.
The richer, the bigger they are, the more likely [blurred] they’re gonna fuck you in the ass. Without a goddamn rubber. Fuckers [blurred].
Lucky I didn’t count on a Queen trust fund [blurred]. Don’t want his goddamn money anyway.
I’ll figure something out. Not like I’m without options.
I have to [crossed out several times]
At least, this th time I’m old enough to fucking bartend.
-----------------------------
part 5: messages
DL: Talk to me anytime, Jaybird. I'll always listen :)
JT: Oh, it’s you. I mean, not in a bad way, but wouldn’t this be - worse on you? I mean you and Ollie were … *makes finger gestures*
DL: "Were" is the key word here. Listen, Jay. I'm not trying to oust Ollie because we used to go out. I don't hate him, despite what he seems to think, I'm just trying to be a supportive friend. I mean, you seem genuinely hurt because of what happened and it makes me sad that anyone could hurt you in this way. Please let me be here for you, even just as someone you can rant to.
JT: I’m… i’m fine. He’d. He’d get more pissed at you anyway, besides. I mean.
Fuck. I’ll deal okay? I’ll. I’ll deal with shit it’s not like I cared about trying to get out of blackgate, it’s a threat I always had and I don’t give a shit about him and his fucking SeRVE anyway. He. I.
Fuck.
*looks down at his fists*
---------------------------------
part 6: telling
Mia: What the fuck is going on? Why do I miss everything?
Jason: You should probably talk to Queen about that, since I’m a fucking sociopath. and he’s merely passive-aggressive who admits he has a problem.
Mia: Or you could tell me.
Jason: ‘cept Queen’s gonna say I am brainwashing you or shit. I dunno. He says I never tell HIS side or whatever, just MINE and -
Fuck. I thought we were good, he and I - i - I made a mistake and shit cause I just wanted to talk and he kept brushing me off, and then I made the mistake and he got, extra pissed and shit and stuff and I tried to make up or at least talk to him about it and then.
‘pparently Ms Spencer heard about it, but I dunno who woulda told HER because… I dunno and then she threatened me - you know, being all, Sweet Smile but threatening body language? It’s not that it’s. It was. I dunno, it’s not PHYSICAL but shit - I. I fuck - I confronted Queen ‘bout it and then he accused me of being a liar and something and then next thing I know he’s posted this shit about me being a sociopath and how he’s tired of helping me and giving up and that I don’t deserve shit and -
Fuck. Just - Fuck.
I don’t care about his money or his shit or his help - I don’t care about his fucking SeRVE anymore.
Mia: Heard about what? … Ok… so yeah like I’m pretty sure I don’t have all the information about what the hell is going on… So yeah. But like… I don’t know....
Jason: You should just ask Queen, Dearden. He’d give you all the information you need.
Mia: fine. I’ll ask him.