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thejusticelounge2012-06-14 02:43 pm
bossymarmalade) wrote in thejusticelounge2012-06-14 02:43 pm
up, then out
Ollie looks flatly over at Jason as Dick hurries from the room, desperate to see Roy. “Now -- are you going to make this all about how mean I was to "yell" at you?” Ollie asks Jason. “Or do you actually give a shit that my son tossed himself off a roof?”
Jay takes a deep breath, and releases it. “Whatever you want to think, Queen.”
Ollie holds up his hands, mouth tight in anger. “Fine. I don't need to tell you fuck all.”
“Fine.”
“That was a courtesy, not a necessity. As far as I'm concerned, you should stay the fuck away from Roy and it'll be for the best for both of you.”
Jay is seriously upset, but... he isn't going to yell at Queen for information, even though he desperately wants to know how Roy is. But it isn't his place is it? Queen doesn't seem to think he deserves to know anything about it.
Flinching hard, Jason mutters, “Fine. I knew that -”
“Fine what?” Ollie interrupts. “Fine you'll keep away from my goddamn family?”
“Yes, FINE. I'll stay the fuck away I'll stay the fuck away from all of you. If that's what made Roy throw himself - off - then YES i'm staying the fuck away!”
“Good. You've brought us nothing but pain and misery, you selfish, narcissistic little shit.” Ollie looms up over Jason, livid, threatening. “I am DONE trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.”
Jay feels his heart just break, but he can't - he'd promised to be civil, and if it hurt Roy this much to even be with him - he has to stay away - Jay lashes out, punching Ollie, just wanting to get away.
Ollie catches the punch on his arm, unflinching. “Look at you. Even now, all you're thinking about is yourself. The *only* concern in that fucked-up, put-back-together-wrong little insane mind of yours.”
“You - you - you just shut up! Shut the fuck hell up!”
“The only thing you care about is Jason. Jay Jay Jay, all the time, every moment, no matter who the fuck else has been hurt or is suffering--”
-- and then Jason’s moving, swinging hard and socking Ollie in the face with his fist. Ollie turns with the punch, holding for a moment, and then turns back to look at Jason, cracking his jaw into place and baring his teeth.
“Just SHUT up Queen!” Jason yelps. “I always knew I wasn't good enough for Roy! But he wanted ME and I thought it could WORK and I was wrong, okay?”
“Of course you were wrong. You just fucking use people up and then complain that it's never enough for you.”
“So SHUT UP. You don't need to hammer it in! I'm GONE.” Jason starts heading for the door. “I'm LEAVING - I'm never - talking to you - any of the family again!”
Grabbing Jason up by his collar, Ollie throws him down into a chair. “No,” he says, pointing a shaking finger. “You're gonna listen to me first.”
Jay snarls and kicks out at Ollie. "No! I'm not -" He doesn't want to hear it, how he'd fucked Roy up, somehow did it bad enough that Roy'd rather kill himself or injure himself BADLY at the very least.”
“You sit the fuck there and you listen to me. Or I will break your fucking legs.”
Jay snarls at him. "You try, you fucking old goat. You try and I won't fucking hold BACK."
You are a parasite. Once you're done exhausting Gardner and Rayner, you'll move on to your next suckers. Because nothing, nobody, will ever be enough for Jason Todd.” Ollie wrinkles his nose, looking Jason up and down in scorn. “Poor, poor, precious Jason Todd! There's never been anybody else in the WORLD who's been through what *he's* been through! Isn't that the song? I've heard it enough fucking times. And you've got everybody singing it. Wonder what it is you told Dinah?”
Jay’s eyes widen, and then narrow, but he says nothing. He doesn't know what to say. There's anger and hate festering in him now, barely restrained, but... he doesn't know what to say other than just screaming.
“Lemme guess -- something to do with how I cruelly forced you away from Roy, and then you wanted to come up and check on him, and then Roy jumped and I sent you awayyyyyy. Pooor, poor Jason.”
Jay trembling with anger. "..... Yeah, that's what I told her. I told her that; amazing how it's fucking WOrd for WORD."
“Christ.” Ollie threw his hands up. “You'd think people would've learned by now that you're a fucking little liar with no grip on reality. Who spins every single goddamn thing so he's the victim. Even my son trying to KILL himself --” Ollie stops, voice breaking, and marshalls himself before picking up again. “... even Roy trying to fucking kill himself. Somehow the most important thing is Jason Todd's feelings.” Ollie raises his chin, looking down his nose at Jason. “You,” he says, “don't even have the compassion god gave a housecat.”
Jay is trembling, his hands feel cold, and disconnected, but. But Roy. Roy's important here, and he doesn't... doesn't have to care what Ollie says. He's done with Olllie. And he's done with all of the family. He'd never see Roy again so what did it matter? It didn't matter anymore. “Yeah. You're right. You're right about fucking everything. Are you done?”
“Hey, protip on what humans with empathy feel, Jason -- when somebody's just tried to commit suicide? The most important thing, amazingly, isn’t *venting your own feelings* about it. Keep that in mind for next time. Maybe you'll be able to pretend to actually care about somebody other than yourself.”
"You sure there's a next time?" Jason says coldly, then sneers. “Of course you're sure. And of course you're right.”
Ollie laughs unpleasantly. “Oh, poor little baby Jason, I'm sure you'll have to suffer through somebody else being hurt and not paying enough attention to you again. I mean, that's your whole life, isn't it?”
“Yeah. you done, Queen? That's all you have to say? Cause you're repeating yourself.”
“Far from it. But you never listen to a damn word anyway. You just take what you want from a conversation or an event and spin it Baby Jason style. Poor poor little Jason.”
“Then you shouldn't mind if I leave now. Since it won't make a difference.” Jay shoves Ollie aside, making to stand.
“Awwww, Jason. How sad for you this must all be!” Ollie taunts. “How brave you're being!”
Jay snarls and whips out his tranq gun. “Just shut the fuck up, Queen.”
Ollie spreads his arms. “Go ahead, you rotten, ungrateful, hideous little thing. Go right the fuck ahead.”
Jay’s hand doesn't shake, but it feels like it should.
“Prove to me what a compassionate person you are. Show me what Jason Todd's all about. After all, you're the only one feeling any pain here, right?”
Jay snarls, and then turns and strides out the door. He can't. He wants to knife the man, cut - but Queen's right, it's his fault. The details might be wrong but the ultimate thing is that Roy tried to kill himself and Jason... it'd be better if Jay just left them all alone.
--- --- ---
Jason put his head in Dinah's lap, with a sigh.
Dinah petted his head. "My tired baby."
Jason made a small rusty sound, "Rrrr," and cuddled Dinah's waist.
Dinah was a little concerned, "Is everything okay, Jason?"
Jason exhaled. He had slept all night, but he still felt exhausted. "Yeah. I.... yeah I guess."
"No, no guesses," Dinah said, "Talk to me."
"No?" Jason tried.
Dinah looked a little hurt. "Oh -"
"I dunno what to say," Jason said, looking away from the hurt expression.
"Oh..." she said again.
Jason exhaled, pressing his cheek against her thighs. "I... dunno whether Roy's okay."
"What happened to Roy?"
"He... he ...." Jason could hear the worry in her voice, and made himself continue. "He tried to jump off the building. The roof of the Bar."
"Wait, what? What happened?" Her voice was sharp with panic.
Jason wailed. "I don't KNOW. we were - kinda - getting it on - for - for purposes and then QUEEN turned up and yanked Roy away, or something I dunno WHY and then told me to go downstairs and take care of Guy and when Gardner fell asleep I came up to see what was taking them so LONG and Roy THREW HIMSELF OFF THE BUILDING." It was still terrifying to realise. God, Roy, almost kiling himself...
"ROY DID WHAT?" Dinah stands quickly, knocking Jason over. "Where is he? Wait..." She pauses and pulls Jason to his feet. "Roy was talking to Ollie before he... I'll kill that man."
Jason rolled to his feet with her help, a little, shakily and. "He'll be fine. He's fine. Physically. They're in the spare bedroom, I think." Or else Ollie took Roy away back to Star City or whatever. Because apparently Ollie didn't like Jason being with Roy or whatever it was.
Jason didn't say that, though, because who knows, maybe that wasn't the case. it probably wasn't. But Jason's gut feeling was that it WAS and it hurt.
Dinah huffed. "Fine, I'll hunt him down myself, then kill him. I don't know what he said, but I swear to God if Oliver hurt Roy, I'll hurt him." She let go of Jason, storming over to grab her jacket. She quickly checked the spare room to find it empty. "Star City it is."
"Do you...." Jason glanced at the door, where Guy's room was. "I should stay."
"Sorry, Jay... Can you stay with Guy? I don't want you getting caught up in this. I want to find out what exactly happened, then I'll bring Roy back here."
Jason nodded, twisting his fingers in his shirt miserably. He realised what he was doing and shoved them into his pockets. "Yeah. Yeah of course. Just.... yeah. Drive safe, D."
Dinah moved forward, hugging Jason. "I'd bring you if I didn't think things would be getting ugly, Jay. But I'm gonna bring him back here, and maybe... if he wants, maybe Roy will talk to you too."
Jason nods. "Don't force him to if he doesn't want to, okay? He seemed... like shit. Really upset and - and.... I'd - Before that I'd yelled at Guy and he came affter me to make me calm down and I wouldn't." he exhaled. "Just make sure he's okay. He doesn't have to come back here if he doesn't wanna"
"Okay... I'll be back soon." Dinah kisses his forehead before turning to leave.
Dinah’s bike screeched around the corner, skidding to a halt outside the brownstone. She didn’t even bother propping it up, leaving the bike lying on it’s side on the sidewalk. She stormed inside, kicking open the door. Dinah rushed upstairs and threw open the door to Ollie’s room. He looked up at her just as she stomped forward and slapped him across the cheek.
“Give me one fucking reason I shouldn’t drag you behind my bike from here back to LA, or so help me, Oliver. What the fuck happened? You went to talk to Roy and then he jumped off the building?! What the fuck did you say to him you ass?”
Ollie blinked up at Dinah. It took him a while to register that she was there already, more to understand that she’d hit him, even longer to parse out what she was saying.
Time wasn’t moving right, just now.
“Dinah,” he started. “Dinah, Roy was—” His voice caught in his throat and he reached for her, blindly, pulling her close and burying his face against her. “Oh god, Dinah. The things that *happened* to him. And he was just a *baby*.”
She was taken aback by his reaction. Yelling, she was ready for. Hell, she even had wanted him to fight back. At least then she could still be mad at him. But the man burying his face against her chest, shaking in her arms, with a voice that carried so much pain, she didn’t know how to handle that. Ollie had never let himself show his hurt in this way. In that regard he was just like Bruce. Holding everything in, even if it killed him.
Dinah sat down on the bed, pulling him with her. She ran a hand over his back in an attempt to sooth him. “Oliver?” He just shook his head against her so she held him for a minute until his weight on her shoulder became uncomfortable in that position and then some. She carefully pushed him back, lifting his face to meet hers. “Oliver, I can’t help if you don’t tell me what happened?”
He splayed his fingers over her arms, her side, her back, anxious just to hold on to Dinah and ground himself. She’d been there, back in the day, with him and Roy; it was right that she was the one to be here now. For this.
“When he was fifteen,” Ollie said lowly. “That time he got kidnapped, remember, Dinah? That group of — fuck, some gun-runners, wasn’t it, I think that was it — they snatched him for … fourteen hours. I remember that. I remember clocking how long they’d had him for.” He swallowed, hard.
“They hurt him. They raped him. And he never told anybody about it. All this time, and he’s never *told* anybody, it’s just been—” Ollie twisted his fingers against his chest, “—*inside* him, eating away, getting deeper and deeper. Going around in his head and leaving him thinking he’s to blame for what happened.”
Dinah’s hands dropped from Ollie’s face and back. She sat there, staring straight forward, her eyes wide. Her mouth formed a small ‘o’ as she recalled that time. Maybe she hadn’t been as involved with Ollie and the family then but with how things were now, it stabbed her hard.
‘Since he was 15?’ A choked sob escaped her throat. Then another. She curled into the man next to her, sobbing into his shoulder. Roy… He held everything in for so long. He hadn’t told anyone. In any other situation, she’d be upset he never came to her. She wasn’t.
Memories rushed back to her. She remembered the slight distance Roy showed in the first few days after he returned. Her memories of him blurred into memories of her. Despondent, distant, broken. The thought that he went through things similar to what she did, it tore her up inside.
Ollie rubbed his hands up and down Dinah’s back, letting her cry. Her hacking sobs were almost as cathartic for him as for her; they’d been through so much, back then. Things they’d never quite figured out how to talk about, apart from sporadic outbursts and sessions with counsellors that never resolved the way they’d hoped.
“I know, pretty bird,” he murmured into her hair. “I know. I’m sorry to bring all that up for you again, too.”
And for himself, when it came right down to it. But that, too, was part of the half-spoken and obscured legacy of Ollie’s and Dinah’s relationship; he’d told Dinah that he cheated on her, when he’d come back from Shado and those weeks of helpless, dazed confusion. He’d believed it then, the only way he could make sense of what had happened to him. It was different now.
Ollie pressed a kiss to Dinah’s blonde hair. “He killed them all, years later. And I’m glad he did it.”
Part of her missed this. Oliver always knew what to say. Hell, he’d been there through all of it. Dinah uncurled from his side just a little, not breaking contact but enough to look up at him. With her face pulled away from his shirt, she could feel the warm wet streaks running down her cheeks as much as she could see the small wet patches against his shirt.
“Sorry… God I’m… I feel so selfish.” She pulled back again, wiping furiously at her eyes. “This is about Roy, not me.” Dinah stood from the bed, walking away just enough to clear her head some. She pushed back the memories, locking them away again.
“Where is Roy, by the way..?”
“Down the hall. Connor’s room.” Ollie could see Dinah visibly reeling it all in, all of her memories of Jankowski’s torture, tamping them down again so she could redirect her concern. Although it wasn’t only the torture, was it? It was the lingering effects of what that butcher had done to her: the baby she and Ollie had conceived and lost, the kids she could now only have by proxy, the hope that Windrow had snatched away from her.
Put it away, put it away. Ollie couldn’t blame her. He did the same damn thing.
“You can go see him,” he told Dinah. “He’s not really hurt. A little bruised, maybe.” Ollie’d been the one who slammed against the side of the building when Jason’s grapple line snagged them, but he was in no mood to shift Dinah’s attention to himself. Maybe she would be able to offer Roy some consolation right now; there was nothing, *nothing* Ollie could give Roy that he’d want.
“I think he’d like to see you.”
Dinah nodded, turning to smile at him. “Thank you for calling me, Oliver.” She stepped closer to him, leaning down to kiss him on the forehead.”I’m gonna go make sure Roy’s, you know… really okay in there.”
She left him sitting on the bed, slowly walking towards Connor’s room. Dinah knocked softly on the door, opening it just a little to peer inside. “Roy? It’s Dinah… Can I come in?”
Roy shifted, hiding in the blankets and wanting to go back to sleep. But he couldn’t help the restlessness in his body. When he heard a knock, he waited for whoever was there to leave. Ears twitching at the sound of Dinah’s voice he sighed tiredly. “Yeah…Come in…” He breathed, allowing her to come in because she wouldn’t grate of his nerves. Not like Ollie would.
--- --- ---
In the night, Jason went up to the bar-roof again, clutching his phone.
In the contacts list, there under Harper was Roy’s number. his finger hovered over the send message, then the call….
And instead, Jason pressed the options button and clicked delete.
Then went to Mia’s number and deleted her too - mia and Lian.
Water dropped onto his phone screen, and he had to pull up a corner of his shirt to wipe it off, then switch off his phone. He looked up at the clear night sky.
It was better that way. It was - better. Soon enough his contact list would be empty, so why not start now?
Kyle landed lightly on the rooftop behind Jason. He’d been watching Jay for a while since he’d gotten back in the vicinity. Things had been so hectic lately, since the bar opened. Lian, Lian and her memories. Guy nearly dying from flu. Roy….what happened to Roy and something with Jason as well. Kate going incognito for really scary, serious reasons…. Everything happening in quick succession. Then Kyle was called away on some off-planet duty by the Corps, which threw him completely out of the loop.
He took a few steps towards Jason. “Hey kiddo. Que pasa?” Kyle knew Jason wasn’t - even at the best of times - the more reliable narrator. Things had a way of filtering through Jason-vision. But Kyle needed to start gathering tales. Things were happening under and on his own roof and he needed to know.
Jason almost jumped when he first heard the breathing of the man - higher, not as phlegmy, it was Kyle Rayner - behind him. He tucked his phone away, before turning to face Kyle, eyebrows raised. “What? Can’t just lookit the stars a bit?”
LA wasn’t as smoggy as Gotham, he was still impressed by how many stars he COULD see from here.
Kyle nodded, deciding to play this out for a bit. He wasn’t going to order Jason to tell him, not now. Not yet, anyway. He walked over to stand beside the younger man.
“How’s Guy doing? You been taking care of him while I was away? He’s gonna be so pissed off that he missed a mission, but. Doctors orders and all that, right? I hope you’ve been a good little nurse.” Kyle nudged Jason, which gave him an opportunity to look at his face. Jason’s mask was off, to Kyle’s surprise; and he was actually able to see Jason’s eyes. He’d only seen them once before. And right now, they were puffy and watery. His nose was sniffly and reddened. Hm.
Jason shrugged. “Gar- Guy’s good,” he said. “Getting better, I think.” he could HEAR Kyle’s mind click and.
Shit.
His mask was off. It had started to burn and the air had been better for his eyes… and now he was regretting it.
But he could still salvage the situation.
He sneezed, pretending to try and hide it. “Fed him loads of tea, I think he’s avout to complain he spends more time in the bathroom than out.”
Kyle nodded, but he ran out of small talk right, so. Fuck it. “I found out what happened to Roy…jumping off the roof. My roof. Ayyy, this is muy mal juju for the bar, vato.” Kyle pressed his fingers to his forehead. “Care to fill me in? And tell me why you’re crying?”
At Jason’s protesting, glaring face, Kyle held his hand up. “Can it, Todd. I know you were crying, I just want to hear what’s going on. I’m going to find out eventually, so you might as well tell me your side of things, comprende?”
jason did NOT stiffen at that, glancing at Roy and there were - multiple scenarioes running through his head.
A hell lot of them made the inside voice ring Poor poor precious Jay baby, in Ollie’s vicious, mocking voice. With the strong additional memory of Ollie saying that Jason never seemed to think about others and their feelings.
“Roy jumped off the roof,” Jason said, finally, trying to keep his voice even and measured. “I’m not sure why. Queen had been talking to him. It’s only a two storey jump and he can - he can cope i know he can, could have, but it scared me. Queen’s taken him back to Star City; I don’t know what happened, I haven’t heard anything - other than that Ollie is. Very upset.”
Very upset was probably a bit of an understatement. He bit his lip, letting that emotion show. He had to throw Kyle off - or at least get him to stop asking HIM. He couldn’t… he WOULDN”T be what Ollie said he was.
He was not going to be a parasite on Kyle and Guy any longer. he wasn’t going to suck them dry if he could help it.
“…. and I - don’t know what is happening with Roy, but surely… Surely Dick is with him and that’d be okay.”
The ensuing silence between them was very long. Kyle just stared at Jason, not looking away as the ex-Robin spoke, and then for a long while after that. It wasn’t on any level of ‘Bat-stare’ or even ‘Arrow-glare’. But Kyle’s look was steady and it was quite blatantly a study all of Jason’s movements, expressions and tone.
Roy was in the safest place he could be and he wasn’t broken. This, Kyle could process and file away. He didn’t know why Roy did what he did, but that wasn’t his business.
But Jason was.
“There’s more,” he said finally. Not unkindly. Just very heavily. “There’s more and you’re not telling me. I don’t have time for games and lies, Jason. I don’t have time to solve things.” Kyle’s hand grasped Jason’s shoulder, firmly. “I’m not a detective. Keep talking to me, ese. Fill me in.”
Jason twitched at that. “There’s nothing more, Rayner,” he snapped, wanting Kyle to just leave it. “I’m just concerned about Harper, and - That’s all. ‘s just a reaction to his nearly fucking killing himself.”
He didn’t know what else to SAY to make Kyle just leave it.
If it was anyone else, Kyle would have taken their word at face value. Kyle had a very individualistic mindset, that everyone had enough respect for themselves and their friends to be consistently honest about their feelings. But after interacting with the Batfamily this much, Kyle was starting to learn this wasn’t always the case. Some people preferred teeth-pulling. Some people seemed to want you to not trust them at face value. Some people compulsively lied, for whatever reason. And then blamed you if you didn’t follow up. Kyle had been down this road with Jason before. He wasn’t going to do that again.
He raised his ringed fist. “See this? It will do anything I want it to.” Kyle still spoke gently, but evenly. “Lately, I’ve been pushing its limits and…this ring will really do anything I want it to. If I want it to read your mind like J’onn, it will. If I want it to imperio you, it will. If I wanted to do a Wonder Woman lasso of truth on you, it will. It’s the ultimate lie detector test, muchacho.”
He lowered his hand. “But I’m not going to do that, because then you will be even more upset that you already are. But I’m not backing down, Jasonito. So I’ll ask you again and again and again if I have to. As your friend. As someone you need to talk to. Tell me what’s happening.”
Jason stared at the ring, and then at Kyle, eyes narrowing. Threats. Threatening and -
He knew what Kyle was trying to do - trying to make him talk, even if he wasn’t going to USE the ring.
“Nothing more happened, Rayner,” He said, instead, reminding himself that the green lanterns as a whole were good friends with the Arrowfamily, and they didn’t need Jason to fuck things up for them. “We were making out, is what - me an’ Roy, and Queen interrupted us and the next thing I know Roy was trying to throw himself off. so excuse me for being upset about that!”
He spun on his heel, belatedly realising that if he had just, said something along the lines of i’ll think about it let me have time to think and appealed to Kyle’s better nature or something Rayner would have left him alone and gotten distracted by something else.
As it was, he probably would be hounded by Rayner to TALK and now he didn’t know what to say to get him off his back. Fuck.
“Why, Jason. Why do you always have to make everything about forcing you to comply with me?” Kyle demanded, then sucked in a breath. Of course. There it was. Whereas Mia had been able to break herself out of that horrible, nightmarish mindset of equating force with compliance…Jason never had. In the back of Kyle’s mind, a wry voice asked him ‘was that the difference between being found and adopted by an Arrow versus a Bat?’
No. No, that idea was too terrifying to contemplate. No, this was an issue of personal experience. Mia was able to learn and adapt. Jason never did. Okay then.
“What is there inside of you that I can appeal to? I don’t understand why you’re stone-walling me, every single step of the way.” He flew over and faced Jason, again. “Did I do something wrong to you? Was it because I wasn’t here?”
jason stopped, half way, before he’d walk into Kyle’s chest, and Jason… glared. “I’m not stonewalling,” he said. He couldn’t try the appeal now, Kyle’d not believe it.
He’d have to let Kyle badger him before he ‘gave-in’ and ‘thought’ about it… Fuck he hated this sort of manipulation, he really, really sucked at it, and he kept making the first initial choices and God this is why undercover missions always sucked. “It has nothing to do with you, Rayner. I just don’t wanna talk about what me and Roy were doing!”
“You’re stone-walling,” Kyle reiterated. “In fact, I’ll bet you’ve probably already told a few people que pasa; but here you are, refusing to tell me. Because I actually had the nerve to care about you, and ask you.”
Kyle sighed, putting his hands on his hips and looking up at the sky. ”And if there’s anything I’ve learned about you - and believe me Jason, I HAVE been learning about you - it’s that you will never stop believing that people like me are out to get you. Unless they fuck you first.” Kyle leaned against the rooftop stairwell door. “I guess…it’s better that, than to get chingada’d, huh?”
Fuck, Jason thought. He… He didn’t think Kyle was out to get him, he knew he wasn’t. He knew Rayner just wanted to help, big-eyed, stupid idealistic idiot that he was.
But Kyle couldn’t help, not this, and he’d probably make it worse instead. And telling him that would send him off haring to Ollie and either fucking up whatever relationship he had with the arrow clan, OR losing what little goodwill he had with Kyle anyway.
Rock and hard places, he thought, remembering the gruff way Guy had said I’m proud of you, kiddo and. Fuck.
Maybe guy’s brains had been fried by fever, is what.
He glanced over to the other nearby rooftop, and turned ninety degrees and started walking to the edge.
Kyle thought he’d told other people, but not him. Didn’t that play right into what Ollie said? Ollie was right, Jason was a parasite, and fucked up, and did nothing but fuck up everyone else.
As much as he was BURNING to blurt it out, and just, let everything go, he’d seen how Dinah’d gotten upset over Roy, and hared straight off (he hoped she hadn’t made it worse with Ollie. or at least, not yelled at Ollie or- or anything).
“Yeah,” he said, gruffly. “Better that then to be - whatever.” and he yanked out his grapple gun, shooting for the next roof, jumping off, free hand yanking out his mask to slap on. It was early for patrol, but still okay to get started anyway.
Kyle was feeling too much calmed, pressured-down stress to be incredulous at Jason actually trying to grapple hook his way out of this. He watched him for a bit, scampering off into the night. He had noticed the conflict inside of Jason, the way his mouth worked and twitched to contain his emotions. The way his jaw and neck clenched. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners, so delicate and vulnerable and visible.
He stood there and he waited for a bit. Kyle’s life was all about chasing after people. He realized this now. He went after people. Ironic, in a way, considering how many times he self-exiled himself. Payback, muchacho, that wry Kate Spencer voice piped up again in the back of his mind. You left people behind. You can’t ever do that again. And he couldn’t let others do it, either.
Kyle chased.
He flew up slowly next to Jason as Jason paused on a shop, trying to figure out how to stay roof-level even though the buildings before him sprawled and squatted flatly on the landscape.
He didn’t say anything, but he did amp up the green light, a very pleasant looking beacon on a balmy night. People looked up, snapping photos. Kyle looked over at Jason, questioningly.
If this had been Gotham, no amount of green lanterning would have let kyle catch up, Jason abruptly realised. But it was LA and Jason didn’t have the instinctive familiarity one got from growing up in a city he was born in.
He growled, and swung DOWN, to ground level, hitting feet first into a dumpster and climbing out, started running down the streets, a glowing radioactive ghost like his own personal fucking balloon. Fuuuuck.
Yup, still following. Kyle was almost too used to this song and dance. He floated along congenially, sentry-like. He had time to consider his options as Jason attempted to out run him.
He get angry at Jason and demand him to talk. Because you know: Kyle trying to help and care about Jason was a bad thing, according to Jason. And using force would demonstrate that. Right. Jason would never forgive him. No amount of Kyle’s steadily fraying feelings would be taken into account; Jason would only remember the force, and he’d hate Kyle for it until forever.
Keep following. Keep chasing. Keep following. Keep chasing. Keep following. Keep chasing. Keep following. Keep chasing. Jason would never relent. He’s not built that way. He only likes to be forced into things. Forced into hugs, forced into independence, forced into beds….forced forced forced.
Say something. Jason would ignore him. Resent everything about him. Resent everything about himself.
Hmm. They were getting near…
“We’re getting near Chinatown,” Kyle noticed, as Jason tried to duck into an alleyway and Kyle followed. Follow and chase. Follow and chase.
He circled around the front of Jason. “You hungry?”
Jason slowed to a jog, glaring at the brick beside him.
Damn lantern. Damn Rayner and his stubborn, pit-bull tendencies.
And… Chinatown. Two more blocks and they’d be in Chinatown, and now suddnely his stomach could SMELL the sour plum roast duck and the oil of noodles and char kway teow.
Damn Kyle!
He veered off towards Chinatown; there was a sewer entrance near by, he knew, he’d get something to eat, let Kyle try to talk a bit… and then disappear down the sewers before Kyle could say boo.
“Fine,” he said.
Kyle landed, not minding if Jason could see the relief on his face. He green-slid out of his uniform and into civvies.
“All right then. Your choice, I’ll follow and then…we can talk, si?” he blinked, hopefully as they walked out onto the block, where all the smells from the bustling restaurants made Kyle’s mouth water.
“Yeah,” Jason said, finally giving up on losing Kyle. He had a feeling the man would and COULD follow him down the sewers anyway.
… it shouldn’t warm him that much that Kyle’d follow him anyway, and yet… it did.
stupidly mushy feelings too.
Jason picked the one that looked cantonese - it was n’t as cool here as in Gotham, but it certainly was cool enough at this time of the night to warrant the hot soup they gave you while you thought about your order. Also, their roast duck was excellent, he’d discovered a week ago.
“The duck here is good,” he said, taking a seat near the back, where he could see all exits, the wall against his back. “If you order roast duck and rice. Nmgai,” he said to the severe looking waitress who gave them both steaming bowls of clear vegetable broth, and bustled away.
Kyle took a seat, looking around with interest. The place was busy and bright and everything was cafeteria style. No-nonsense. No one interested in their business. Kyle liked this kind of atmosphere.
“See, now I had no idea about this place,” Kyle said, and plucked some plastic chopsticks from the container in the centre of the table. He picked up the menu plaque and read through. “What about the BBQ pork? Is it any good? Char…sui?” Kyle attempted, feeling a little silly saying Chinese words at Jason.
“‘s pretty good, their roast duck’s excellent… The char-siew,” Jason said, not bothering to say it slow enough to be obviously correcting anyone - he doubted Kyle would appreciate being corrected anyway, “is okay. maybe - two stores down? is better - but they’re always out by noon so this is fine. It’s not the same as the usual, barbeque,” he added.
Talking about food, it was safe. Safe and easy and the lights impersonal and businesslike was comforting. “The rice and two roast-meats option is the best one they have, I think.” very generous, very tasty, and to go with the soup…
Jason fished out a spoon from the plastic holder and took the teapot, washing it with the hot teapot of water, a remanent of the SARS scare he had been in Gotham for - because Chinese had to do things special, apparently. “Gimme your chopsticks, Rayner.”
Kyle wordlessly relinquished his chopsticks to Jason, not looking up from the menu plaque, until he found what Jason had suggested he order. “Ah, okay. Two roast meats. Char…siew,” Kyle attempted carefully, “And roast pork. I’m in a porky kinda mood.”
“So,” Kyle said, when he got his nice clean chopsticks back and the waitress came and took their orders with an acknowledging grunt. “So you want to tell me why you were crying on the rooftop? I get that Roy was hurt and stuff…but he’s okay now, si? And you’re not really the type to stand around angsting about things that could’ve been. At least, I didn’t think you were.” Kyle attempted a small smile, even if he wasn’t really feeling it. But he needed to do something.
“I…” Jason exhaled, and stared at the menue plaque even though he had no reason to, and rubbed his fingers on the greasy laminate. “You’re just gonna keep… hounding aren’t you? You’re like a damn pit-bull - why isn’t your uniform reflecting THAT, I wanna know.”
He took another breath, and had some spoonfuls of soup, even though it almost scalded his tongue.
“I’m. I’m gonna break up with Roy.”
There. He’s said it. Glanced up at Kyle and shook his head. “It’s. Maybe you’re wrong and I DO stand around - angsting like a fucking teenage girl but… I’m. I’m no good for him - and Roy’s better off - he’s alwaysloved Dick more, and now I hear that he and Wally are finally, you know, in that nest together so yeah they’re, happy togehter. They don’t need a FOURTHwheel, clogging up the works.”
They got their food fast, which gave Kyle time to process what Jay had told him.
“I thought—?” he started, but stopped again, dotting more of his rice with chili oil. “This is all to do with that whole poh..lee…amory,” Kyle said it slowly, and figured somewhere in the world, Dick was proud of him for getting the word right. “Polyamory. Thing? Because no offense Todd,” He dipped the roast pork in it’s sauce and bit, his eyelids fluttering when the salty-crispy hit his mouth. “Mmm. But I didn’t even know you and Roy were together. I mean I knew about the messing around and stuff, but not the actual…together-together.”
Jason’s mouth quirked - but it couldn’t quiite be called a smile. He poked his chopsticks in his rice, upended the roast duck briefly, and then exhaled. “No. I know about the poly- I’m…. not as Poly as Dick but…”
He waved off the next sentence like smoke. “That’s not important, but we were, together-together. Sort of.”
Except it had always been obvious to Jason how much more Roy needed Dick, and this had done nothing but drive home how much Jason had been nothing but a weight on Roy Roy hadn’t needed.
“And I do - care about him,” his voice sticking on love, “But he… I figured, that this was pretty much a slap in the face, better to just, leave now. They’re happy in bludhaven. They don’t need me.”
Kyle quirked an eyebrow as he picked up his bowl, but didn’t say anything yet. ”Did you ask them? Dick and Roy. Did you ask them this, or did you just assume that they don’t need you.” Kyle scooped some more rice and bok choy into his mouth and took a bite of the char siu. Heaven. He wondered momentarily why this was oh so difficult for Jason to tell him any of this. Love-stuff? Wasn’t that kind of commonplace in a job like theirs?
Kyle looked at Jason dryly. “Because I knooow you like to fill in people’s blanks for them, heh,” he lightly teased.
Jason exhaled, giving Kyle a quirked look. “I can’t ask them.” How could he? He’d already fucked up Roy; he knew it would probably make it worse if he tried… Plus he was supposed to stay away from all the arrow family. “it’s not that I think I’m thinking for them but more trying not to fuck them up more with Me. Hence my gonna break up with Roy. Not like Dick knows I’m with him anyway…”
Kyle paused in eating. “Dick doesn’t know you’re…with…Roy?” Once again, the politics and intrigues of that Batfamily + friends completely lost Kyle. It couldn’t be as easy to do this poly thing as Dick had once made it seem.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry man. I wish it could’ve been better for you.” Kyle put his food down and sympathetically patted Jason’s hand.
Jay takes a deep breath, and releases it. “Whatever you want to think, Queen.”
Ollie holds up his hands, mouth tight in anger. “Fine. I don't need to tell you fuck all.”
“Fine.”
“That was a courtesy, not a necessity. As far as I'm concerned, you should stay the fuck away from Roy and it'll be for the best for both of you.”
Jay is seriously upset, but... he isn't going to yell at Queen for information, even though he desperately wants to know how Roy is. But it isn't his place is it? Queen doesn't seem to think he deserves to know anything about it.
Flinching hard, Jason mutters, “Fine. I knew that -”
“Fine what?” Ollie interrupts. “Fine you'll keep away from my goddamn family?”
“Yes, FINE. I'll stay the fuck away I'll stay the fuck away from all of you. If that's what made Roy throw himself - off - then YES i'm staying the fuck away!”
“Good. You've brought us nothing but pain and misery, you selfish, narcissistic little shit.” Ollie looms up over Jason, livid, threatening. “I am DONE trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.”
Jay feels his heart just break, but he can't - he'd promised to be civil, and if it hurt Roy this much to even be with him - he has to stay away - Jay lashes out, punching Ollie, just wanting to get away.
Ollie catches the punch on his arm, unflinching. “Look at you. Even now, all you're thinking about is yourself. The *only* concern in that fucked-up, put-back-together-wrong little insane mind of yours.”
“You - you - you just shut up! Shut the fuck hell up!”
“The only thing you care about is Jason. Jay Jay Jay, all the time, every moment, no matter who the fuck else has been hurt or is suffering--”
-- and then Jason’s moving, swinging hard and socking Ollie in the face with his fist. Ollie turns with the punch, holding for a moment, and then turns back to look at Jason, cracking his jaw into place and baring his teeth.
“Just SHUT up Queen!” Jason yelps. “I always knew I wasn't good enough for Roy! But he wanted ME and I thought it could WORK and I was wrong, okay?”
“Of course you were wrong. You just fucking use people up and then complain that it's never enough for you.”
“So SHUT UP. You don't need to hammer it in! I'm GONE.” Jason starts heading for the door. “I'm LEAVING - I'm never - talking to you - any of the family again!”
Grabbing Jason up by his collar, Ollie throws him down into a chair. “No,” he says, pointing a shaking finger. “You're gonna listen to me first.”
Jay snarls and kicks out at Ollie. "No! I'm not -" He doesn't want to hear it, how he'd fucked Roy up, somehow did it bad enough that Roy'd rather kill himself or injure himself BADLY at the very least.”
“You sit the fuck there and you listen to me. Or I will break your fucking legs.”
Jay snarls at him. "You try, you fucking old goat. You try and I won't fucking hold BACK."
You are a parasite. Once you're done exhausting Gardner and Rayner, you'll move on to your next suckers. Because nothing, nobody, will ever be enough for Jason Todd.” Ollie wrinkles his nose, looking Jason up and down in scorn. “Poor, poor, precious Jason Todd! There's never been anybody else in the WORLD who's been through what *he's* been through! Isn't that the song? I've heard it enough fucking times. And you've got everybody singing it. Wonder what it is you told Dinah?”
Jay’s eyes widen, and then narrow, but he says nothing. He doesn't know what to say. There's anger and hate festering in him now, barely restrained, but... he doesn't know what to say other than just screaming.
“Lemme guess -- something to do with how I cruelly forced you away from Roy, and then you wanted to come up and check on him, and then Roy jumped and I sent you awayyyyyy. Pooor, poor Jason.”
Jay trembling with anger. "..... Yeah, that's what I told her. I told her that; amazing how it's fucking WOrd for WORD."
“Christ.” Ollie threw his hands up. “You'd think people would've learned by now that you're a fucking little liar with no grip on reality. Who spins every single goddamn thing so he's the victim. Even my son trying to KILL himself --” Ollie stops, voice breaking, and marshalls himself before picking up again. “... even Roy trying to fucking kill himself. Somehow the most important thing is Jason Todd's feelings.” Ollie raises his chin, looking down his nose at Jason. “You,” he says, “don't even have the compassion god gave a housecat.”
Jay is trembling, his hands feel cold, and disconnected, but. But Roy. Roy's important here, and he doesn't... doesn't have to care what Ollie says. He's done with Olllie. And he's done with all of the family. He'd never see Roy again so what did it matter? It didn't matter anymore. “Yeah. You're right. You're right about fucking everything. Are you done?”
“Hey, protip on what humans with empathy feel, Jason -- when somebody's just tried to commit suicide? The most important thing, amazingly, isn’t *venting your own feelings* about it. Keep that in mind for next time. Maybe you'll be able to pretend to actually care about somebody other than yourself.”
"You sure there's a next time?" Jason says coldly, then sneers. “Of course you're sure. And of course you're right.”
Ollie laughs unpleasantly. “Oh, poor little baby Jason, I'm sure you'll have to suffer through somebody else being hurt and not paying enough attention to you again. I mean, that's your whole life, isn't it?”
“Yeah. you done, Queen? That's all you have to say? Cause you're repeating yourself.”
“Far from it. But you never listen to a damn word anyway. You just take what you want from a conversation or an event and spin it Baby Jason style. Poor poor little Jason.”
“Then you shouldn't mind if I leave now. Since it won't make a difference.” Jay shoves Ollie aside, making to stand.
“Awwww, Jason. How sad for you this must all be!” Ollie taunts. “How brave you're being!”
Jay snarls and whips out his tranq gun. “Just shut the fuck up, Queen.”
Ollie spreads his arms. “Go ahead, you rotten, ungrateful, hideous little thing. Go right the fuck ahead.”
Jay’s hand doesn't shake, but it feels like it should.
“Prove to me what a compassionate person you are. Show me what Jason Todd's all about. After all, you're the only one feeling any pain here, right?”
Jay snarls, and then turns and strides out the door. He can't. He wants to knife the man, cut - but Queen's right, it's his fault. The details might be wrong but the ultimate thing is that Roy tried to kill himself and Jason... it'd be better if Jay just left them all alone.
--- --- ---
Jason put his head in Dinah's lap, with a sigh.
Dinah petted his head. "My tired baby."
Jason made a small rusty sound, "Rrrr," and cuddled Dinah's waist.
Dinah was a little concerned, "Is everything okay, Jason?"
Jason exhaled. He had slept all night, but he still felt exhausted. "Yeah. I.... yeah I guess."
"No, no guesses," Dinah said, "Talk to me."
"No?" Jason tried.
Dinah looked a little hurt. "Oh -"
"I dunno what to say," Jason said, looking away from the hurt expression.
"Oh..." she said again.
Jason exhaled, pressing his cheek against her thighs. "I... dunno whether Roy's okay."
"What happened to Roy?"
"He... he ...." Jason could hear the worry in her voice, and made himself continue. "He tried to jump off the building. The roof of the Bar."
"Wait, what? What happened?" Her voice was sharp with panic.
Jason wailed. "I don't KNOW. we were - kinda - getting it on - for - for purposes and then QUEEN turned up and yanked Roy away, or something I dunno WHY and then told me to go downstairs and take care of Guy and when Gardner fell asleep I came up to see what was taking them so LONG and Roy THREW HIMSELF OFF THE BUILDING." It was still terrifying to realise. God, Roy, almost kiling himself...
"ROY DID WHAT?" Dinah stands quickly, knocking Jason over. "Where is he? Wait..." She pauses and pulls Jason to his feet. "Roy was talking to Ollie before he... I'll kill that man."
Jason rolled to his feet with her help, a little, shakily and. "He'll be fine. He's fine. Physically. They're in the spare bedroom, I think." Or else Ollie took Roy away back to Star City or whatever. Because apparently Ollie didn't like Jason being with Roy or whatever it was.
Jason didn't say that, though, because who knows, maybe that wasn't the case. it probably wasn't. But Jason's gut feeling was that it WAS and it hurt.
Dinah huffed. "Fine, I'll hunt him down myself, then kill him. I don't know what he said, but I swear to God if Oliver hurt Roy, I'll hurt him." She let go of Jason, storming over to grab her jacket. She quickly checked the spare room to find it empty. "Star City it is."
"Do you...." Jason glanced at the door, where Guy's room was. "I should stay."
"Sorry, Jay... Can you stay with Guy? I don't want you getting caught up in this. I want to find out what exactly happened, then I'll bring Roy back here."
Jason nodded, twisting his fingers in his shirt miserably. He realised what he was doing and shoved them into his pockets. "Yeah. Yeah of course. Just.... yeah. Drive safe, D."
Dinah moved forward, hugging Jason. "I'd bring you if I didn't think things would be getting ugly, Jay. But I'm gonna bring him back here, and maybe... if he wants, maybe Roy will talk to you too."
Jason nods. "Don't force him to if he doesn't want to, okay? He seemed... like shit. Really upset and - and.... I'd - Before that I'd yelled at Guy and he came affter me to make me calm down and I wouldn't." he exhaled. "Just make sure he's okay. He doesn't have to come back here if he doesn't wanna"
"Okay... I'll be back soon." Dinah kisses his forehead before turning to leave.
Dinah’s bike screeched around the corner, skidding to a halt outside the brownstone. She didn’t even bother propping it up, leaving the bike lying on it’s side on the sidewalk. She stormed inside, kicking open the door. Dinah rushed upstairs and threw open the door to Ollie’s room. He looked up at her just as she stomped forward and slapped him across the cheek.
“Give me one fucking reason I shouldn’t drag you behind my bike from here back to LA, or so help me, Oliver. What the fuck happened? You went to talk to Roy and then he jumped off the building?! What the fuck did you say to him you ass?”
Ollie blinked up at Dinah. It took him a while to register that she was there already, more to understand that she’d hit him, even longer to parse out what she was saying.
Time wasn’t moving right, just now.
“Dinah,” he started. “Dinah, Roy was—” His voice caught in his throat and he reached for her, blindly, pulling her close and burying his face against her. “Oh god, Dinah. The things that *happened* to him. And he was just a *baby*.”
She was taken aback by his reaction. Yelling, she was ready for. Hell, she even had wanted him to fight back. At least then she could still be mad at him. But the man burying his face against her chest, shaking in her arms, with a voice that carried so much pain, she didn’t know how to handle that. Ollie had never let himself show his hurt in this way. In that regard he was just like Bruce. Holding everything in, even if it killed him.
Dinah sat down on the bed, pulling him with her. She ran a hand over his back in an attempt to sooth him. “Oliver?” He just shook his head against her so she held him for a minute until his weight on her shoulder became uncomfortable in that position and then some. She carefully pushed him back, lifting his face to meet hers. “Oliver, I can’t help if you don’t tell me what happened?”
He splayed his fingers over her arms, her side, her back, anxious just to hold on to Dinah and ground himself. She’d been there, back in the day, with him and Roy; it was right that she was the one to be here now. For this.
“When he was fifteen,” Ollie said lowly. “That time he got kidnapped, remember, Dinah? That group of — fuck, some gun-runners, wasn’t it, I think that was it — they snatched him for … fourteen hours. I remember that. I remember clocking how long they’d had him for.” He swallowed, hard.
“They hurt him. They raped him. And he never told anybody about it. All this time, and he’s never *told* anybody, it’s just been—” Ollie twisted his fingers against his chest, “—*inside* him, eating away, getting deeper and deeper. Going around in his head and leaving him thinking he’s to blame for what happened.”
Dinah’s hands dropped from Ollie’s face and back. She sat there, staring straight forward, her eyes wide. Her mouth formed a small ‘o’ as she recalled that time. Maybe she hadn’t been as involved with Ollie and the family then but with how things were now, it stabbed her hard.
‘Since he was 15?’ A choked sob escaped her throat. Then another. She curled into the man next to her, sobbing into his shoulder. Roy… He held everything in for so long. He hadn’t told anyone. In any other situation, she’d be upset he never came to her. She wasn’t.
Memories rushed back to her. She remembered the slight distance Roy showed in the first few days after he returned. Her memories of him blurred into memories of her. Despondent, distant, broken. The thought that he went through things similar to what she did, it tore her up inside.
Ollie rubbed his hands up and down Dinah’s back, letting her cry. Her hacking sobs were almost as cathartic for him as for her; they’d been through so much, back then. Things they’d never quite figured out how to talk about, apart from sporadic outbursts and sessions with counsellors that never resolved the way they’d hoped.
“I know, pretty bird,” he murmured into her hair. “I know. I’m sorry to bring all that up for you again, too.”
And for himself, when it came right down to it. But that, too, was part of the half-spoken and obscured legacy of Ollie’s and Dinah’s relationship; he’d told Dinah that he cheated on her, when he’d come back from Shado and those weeks of helpless, dazed confusion. He’d believed it then, the only way he could make sense of what had happened to him. It was different now.
Ollie pressed a kiss to Dinah’s blonde hair. “He killed them all, years later. And I’m glad he did it.”
Part of her missed this. Oliver always knew what to say. Hell, he’d been there through all of it. Dinah uncurled from his side just a little, not breaking contact but enough to look up at him. With her face pulled away from his shirt, she could feel the warm wet streaks running down her cheeks as much as she could see the small wet patches against his shirt.
“Sorry… God I’m… I feel so selfish.” She pulled back again, wiping furiously at her eyes. “This is about Roy, not me.” Dinah stood from the bed, walking away just enough to clear her head some. She pushed back the memories, locking them away again.
“Where is Roy, by the way..?”
“Down the hall. Connor’s room.” Ollie could see Dinah visibly reeling it all in, all of her memories of Jankowski’s torture, tamping them down again so she could redirect her concern. Although it wasn’t only the torture, was it? It was the lingering effects of what that butcher had done to her: the baby she and Ollie had conceived and lost, the kids she could now only have by proxy, the hope that Windrow had snatched away from her.
Put it away, put it away. Ollie couldn’t blame her. He did the same damn thing.
“You can go see him,” he told Dinah. “He’s not really hurt. A little bruised, maybe.” Ollie’d been the one who slammed against the side of the building when Jason’s grapple line snagged them, but he was in no mood to shift Dinah’s attention to himself. Maybe she would be able to offer Roy some consolation right now; there was nothing, *nothing* Ollie could give Roy that he’d want.
“I think he’d like to see you.”
Dinah nodded, turning to smile at him. “Thank you for calling me, Oliver.” She stepped closer to him, leaning down to kiss him on the forehead.”I’m gonna go make sure Roy’s, you know… really okay in there.”
She left him sitting on the bed, slowly walking towards Connor’s room. Dinah knocked softly on the door, opening it just a little to peer inside. “Roy? It’s Dinah… Can I come in?”
Roy shifted, hiding in the blankets and wanting to go back to sleep. But he couldn’t help the restlessness in his body. When he heard a knock, he waited for whoever was there to leave. Ears twitching at the sound of Dinah’s voice he sighed tiredly. “Yeah…Come in…” He breathed, allowing her to come in because she wouldn’t grate of his nerves. Not like Ollie would.
--- --- ---
In the night, Jason went up to the bar-roof again, clutching his phone.
In the contacts list, there under Harper was Roy’s number. his finger hovered over the send message, then the call….
And instead, Jason pressed the options button and clicked delete.
Then went to Mia’s number and deleted her too - mia and Lian.
Water dropped onto his phone screen, and he had to pull up a corner of his shirt to wipe it off, then switch off his phone. He looked up at the clear night sky.
It was better that way. It was - better. Soon enough his contact list would be empty, so why not start now?
Kyle landed lightly on the rooftop behind Jason. He’d been watching Jay for a while since he’d gotten back in the vicinity. Things had been so hectic lately, since the bar opened. Lian, Lian and her memories. Guy nearly dying from flu. Roy….what happened to Roy and something with Jason as well. Kate going incognito for really scary, serious reasons…. Everything happening in quick succession. Then Kyle was called away on some off-planet duty by the Corps, which threw him completely out of the loop.
He took a few steps towards Jason. “Hey kiddo. Que pasa?” Kyle knew Jason wasn’t - even at the best of times - the more reliable narrator. Things had a way of filtering through Jason-vision. But Kyle needed to start gathering tales. Things were happening under and on his own roof and he needed to know.
Jason almost jumped when he first heard the breathing of the man - higher, not as phlegmy, it was Kyle Rayner - behind him. He tucked his phone away, before turning to face Kyle, eyebrows raised. “What? Can’t just lookit the stars a bit?”
LA wasn’t as smoggy as Gotham, he was still impressed by how many stars he COULD see from here.
Kyle nodded, deciding to play this out for a bit. He wasn’t going to order Jason to tell him, not now. Not yet, anyway. He walked over to stand beside the younger man.
“How’s Guy doing? You been taking care of him while I was away? He’s gonna be so pissed off that he missed a mission, but. Doctors orders and all that, right? I hope you’ve been a good little nurse.” Kyle nudged Jason, which gave him an opportunity to look at his face. Jason’s mask was off, to Kyle’s surprise; and he was actually able to see Jason’s eyes. He’d only seen them once before. And right now, they were puffy and watery. His nose was sniffly and reddened. Hm.
Jason shrugged. “Gar- Guy’s good,” he said. “Getting better, I think.” he could HEAR Kyle’s mind click and.
Shit.
His mask was off. It had started to burn and the air had been better for his eyes… and now he was regretting it.
But he could still salvage the situation.
He sneezed, pretending to try and hide it. “Fed him loads of tea, I think he’s avout to complain he spends more time in the bathroom than out.”
Kyle nodded, but he ran out of small talk right, so. Fuck it. “I found out what happened to Roy…jumping off the roof. My roof. Ayyy, this is muy mal juju for the bar, vato.” Kyle pressed his fingers to his forehead. “Care to fill me in? And tell me why you’re crying?”
At Jason’s protesting, glaring face, Kyle held his hand up. “Can it, Todd. I know you were crying, I just want to hear what’s going on. I’m going to find out eventually, so you might as well tell me your side of things, comprende?”
jason did NOT stiffen at that, glancing at Roy and there were - multiple scenarioes running through his head.
A hell lot of them made the inside voice ring Poor poor precious Jay baby, in Ollie’s vicious, mocking voice. With the strong additional memory of Ollie saying that Jason never seemed to think about others and their feelings.
“Roy jumped off the roof,” Jason said, finally, trying to keep his voice even and measured. “I’m not sure why. Queen had been talking to him. It’s only a two storey jump and he can - he can cope i know he can, could have, but it scared me. Queen’s taken him back to Star City; I don’t know what happened, I haven’t heard anything - other than that Ollie is. Very upset.”
Very upset was probably a bit of an understatement. He bit his lip, letting that emotion show. He had to throw Kyle off - or at least get him to stop asking HIM. He couldn’t… he WOULDN”T be what Ollie said he was.
He was not going to be a parasite on Kyle and Guy any longer. he wasn’t going to suck them dry if he could help it.
“…. and I - don’t know what is happening with Roy, but surely… Surely Dick is with him and that’d be okay.”
The ensuing silence between them was very long. Kyle just stared at Jason, not looking away as the ex-Robin spoke, and then for a long while after that. It wasn’t on any level of ‘Bat-stare’ or even ‘Arrow-glare’. But Kyle’s look was steady and it was quite blatantly a study all of Jason’s movements, expressions and tone.
Roy was in the safest place he could be and he wasn’t broken. This, Kyle could process and file away. He didn’t know why Roy did what he did, but that wasn’t his business.
But Jason was.
“There’s more,” he said finally. Not unkindly. Just very heavily. “There’s more and you’re not telling me. I don’t have time for games and lies, Jason. I don’t have time to solve things.” Kyle’s hand grasped Jason’s shoulder, firmly. “I’m not a detective. Keep talking to me, ese. Fill me in.”
Jason twitched at that. “There’s nothing more, Rayner,” he snapped, wanting Kyle to just leave it. “I’m just concerned about Harper, and - That’s all. ‘s just a reaction to his nearly fucking killing himself.”
He didn’t know what else to SAY to make Kyle just leave it.
If it was anyone else, Kyle would have taken their word at face value. Kyle had a very individualistic mindset, that everyone had enough respect for themselves and their friends to be consistently honest about their feelings. But after interacting with the Batfamily this much, Kyle was starting to learn this wasn’t always the case. Some people preferred teeth-pulling. Some people seemed to want you to not trust them at face value. Some people compulsively lied, for whatever reason. And then blamed you if you didn’t follow up. Kyle had been down this road with Jason before. He wasn’t going to do that again.
He raised his ringed fist. “See this? It will do anything I want it to.” Kyle still spoke gently, but evenly. “Lately, I’ve been pushing its limits and…this ring will really do anything I want it to. If I want it to read your mind like J’onn, it will. If I want it to imperio you, it will. If I wanted to do a Wonder Woman lasso of truth on you, it will. It’s the ultimate lie detector test, muchacho.”
He lowered his hand. “But I’m not going to do that, because then you will be even more upset that you already are. But I’m not backing down, Jasonito. So I’ll ask you again and again and again if I have to. As your friend. As someone you need to talk to. Tell me what’s happening.”
Jason stared at the ring, and then at Kyle, eyes narrowing. Threats. Threatening and -
He knew what Kyle was trying to do - trying to make him talk, even if he wasn’t going to USE the ring.
“Nothing more happened, Rayner,” He said, instead, reminding himself that the green lanterns as a whole were good friends with the Arrowfamily, and they didn’t need Jason to fuck things up for them. “We were making out, is what - me an’ Roy, and Queen interrupted us and the next thing I know Roy was trying to throw himself off. so excuse me for being upset about that!”
He spun on his heel, belatedly realising that if he had just, said something along the lines of i’ll think about it let me have time to think and appealed to Kyle’s better nature or something Rayner would have left him alone and gotten distracted by something else.
As it was, he probably would be hounded by Rayner to TALK and now he didn’t know what to say to get him off his back. Fuck.
“Why, Jason. Why do you always have to make everything about forcing you to comply with me?” Kyle demanded, then sucked in a breath. Of course. There it was. Whereas Mia had been able to break herself out of that horrible, nightmarish mindset of equating force with compliance…Jason never had. In the back of Kyle’s mind, a wry voice asked him ‘was that the difference between being found and adopted by an Arrow versus a Bat?’
No. No, that idea was too terrifying to contemplate. No, this was an issue of personal experience. Mia was able to learn and adapt. Jason never did. Okay then.
“What is there inside of you that I can appeal to? I don’t understand why you’re stone-walling me, every single step of the way.” He flew over and faced Jason, again. “Did I do something wrong to you? Was it because I wasn’t here?”
jason stopped, half way, before he’d walk into Kyle’s chest, and Jason… glared. “I’m not stonewalling,” he said. He couldn’t try the appeal now, Kyle’d not believe it.
He’d have to let Kyle badger him before he ‘gave-in’ and ‘thought’ about it… Fuck he hated this sort of manipulation, he really, really sucked at it, and he kept making the first initial choices and God this is why undercover missions always sucked. “It has nothing to do with you, Rayner. I just don’t wanna talk about what me and Roy were doing!”
“You’re stone-walling,” Kyle reiterated. “In fact, I’ll bet you’ve probably already told a few people que pasa; but here you are, refusing to tell me. Because I actually had the nerve to care about you, and ask you.”
Kyle sighed, putting his hands on his hips and looking up at the sky. ”And if there’s anything I’ve learned about you - and believe me Jason, I HAVE been learning about you - it’s that you will never stop believing that people like me are out to get you. Unless they fuck you first.” Kyle leaned against the rooftop stairwell door. “I guess…it’s better that, than to get chingada’d, huh?”
Fuck, Jason thought. He… He didn’t think Kyle was out to get him, he knew he wasn’t. He knew Rayner just wanted to help, big-eyed, stupid idealistic idiot that he was.
But Kyle couldn’t help, not this, and he’d probably make it worse instead. And telling him that would send him off haring to Ollie and either fucking up whatever relationship he had with the arrow clan, OR losing what little goodwill he had with Kyle anyway.
Rock and hard places, he thought, remembering the gruff way Guy had said I’m proud of you, kiddo and. Fuck.
Maybe guy’s brains had been fried by fever, is what.
He glanced over to the other nearby rooftop, and turned ninety degrees and started walking to the edge.
Kyle thought he’d told other people, but not him. Didn’t that play right into what Ollie said? Ollie was right, Jason was a parasite, and fucked up, and did nothing but fuck up everyone else.
As much as he was BURNING to blurt it out, and just, let everything go, he’d seen how Dinah’d gotten upset over Roy, and hared straight off (he hoped she hadn’t made it worse with Ollie. or at least, not yelled at Ollie or- or anything).
“Yeah,” he said, gruffly. “Better that then to be - whatever.” and he yanked out his grapple gun, shooting for the next roof, jumping off, free hand yanking out his mask to slap on. It was early for patrol, but still okay to get started anyway.
Kyle was feeling too much calmed, pressured-down stress to be incredulous at Jason actually trying to grapple hook his way out of this. He watched him for a bit, scampering off into the night. He had noticed the conflict inside of Jason, the way his mouth worked and twitched to contain his emotions. The way his jaw and neck clenched. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners, so delicate and vulnerable and visible.
He stood there and he waited for a bit. Kyle’s life was all about chasing after people. He realized this now. He went after people. Ironic, in a way, considering how many times he self-exiled himself. Payback, muchacho, that wry Kate Spencer voice piped up again in the back of his mind. You left people behind. You can’t ever do that again. And he couldn’t let others do it, either.
Kyle chased.
He flew up slowly next to Jason as Jason paused on a shop, trying to figure out how to stay roof-level even though the buildings before him sprawled and squatted flatly on the landscape.
He didn’t say anything, but he did amp up the green light, a very pleasant looking beacon on a balmy night. People looked up, snapping photos. Kyle looked over at Jason, questioningly.
If this had been Gotham, no amount of green lanterning would have let kyle catch up, Jason abruptly realised. But it was LA and Jason didn’t have the instinctive familiarity one got from growing up in a city he was born in.
He growled, and swung DOWN, to ground level, hitting feet first into a dumpster and climbing out, started running down the streets, a glowing radioactive ghost like his own personal fucking balloon. Fuuuuck.
Yup, still following. Kyle was almost too used to this song and dance. He floated along congenially, sentry-like. He had time to consider his options as Jason attempted to out run him.
He get angry at Jason and demand him to talk. Because you know: Kyle trying to help and care about Jason was a bad thing, according to Jason. And using force would demonstrate that. Right. Jason would never forgive him. No amount of Kyle’s steadily fraying feelings would be taken into account; Jason would only remember the force, and he’d hate Kyle for it until forever.
Keep following. Keep chasing. Keep following. Keep chasing. Keep following. Keep chasing. Keep following. Keep chasing. Jason would never relent. He’s not built that way. He only likes to be forced into things. Forced into hugs, forced into independence, forced into beds….forced forced forced.
Say something. Jason would ignore him. Resent everything about him. Resent everything about himself.
Hmm. They were getting near…
“We’re getting near Chinatown,” Kyle noticed, as Jason tried to duck into an alleyway and Kyle followed. Follow and chase. Follow and chase.
He circled around the front of Jason. “You hungry?”
Jason slowed to a jog, glaring at the brick beside him.
Damn lantern. Damn Rayner and his stubborn, pit-bull tendencies.
And… Chinatown. Two more blocks and they’d be in Chinatown, and now suddnely his stomach could SMELL the sour plum roast duck and the oil of noodles and char kway teow.
Damn Kyle!
He veered off towards Chinatown; there was a sewer entrance near by, he knew, he’d get something to eat, let Kyle try to talk a bit… and then disappear down the sewers before Kyle could say boo.
“Fine,” he said.
Kyle landed, not minding if Jason could see the relief on his face. He green-slid out of his uniform and into civvies.
“All right then. Your choice, I’ll follow and then…we can talk, si?” he blinked, hopefully as they walked out onto the block, where all the smells from the bustling restaurants made Kyle’s mouth water.
“Yeah,” Jason said, finally giving up on losing Kyle. He had a feeling the man would and COULD follow him down the sewers anyway.
… it shouldn’t warm him that much that Kyle’d follow him anyway, and yet… it did.
stupidly mushy feelings too.
Jason picked the one that looked cantonese - it was n’t as cool here as in Gotham, but it certainly was cool enough at this time of the night to warrant the hot soup they gave you while you thought about your order. Also, their roast duck was excellent, he’d discovered a week ago.
“The duck here is good,” he said, taking a seat near the back, where he could see all exits, the wall against his back. “If you order roast duck and rice. Nmgai,” he said to the severe looking waitress who gave them both steaming bowls of clear vegetable broth, and bustled away.
Kyle took a seat, looking around with interest. The place was busy and bright and everything was cafeteria style. No-nonsense. No one interested in their business. Kyle liked this kind of atmosphere.
“See, now I had no idea about this place,” Kyle said, and plucked some plastic chopsticks from the container in the centre of the table. He picked up the menu plaque and read through. “What about the BBQ pork? Is it any good? Char…sui?” Kyle attempted, feeling a little silly saying Chinese words at Jason.
“‘s pretty good, their roast duck’s excellent… The char-siew,” Jason said, not bothering to say it slow enough to be obviously correcting anyone - he doubted Kyle would appreciate being corrected anyway, “is okay. maybe - two stores down? is better - but they’re always out by noon so this is fine. It’s not the same as the usual, barbeque,” he added.
Talking about food, it was safe. Safe and easy and the lights impersonal and businesslike was comforting. “The rice and two roast-meats option is the best one they have, I think.” very generous, very tasty, and to go with the soup…
Jason fished out a spoon from the plastic holder and took the teapot, washing it with the hot teapot of water, a remanent of the SARS scare he had been in Gotham for - because Chinese had to do things special, apparently. “Gimme your chopsticks, Rayner.”
Kyle wordlessly relinquished his chopsticks to Jason, not looking up from the menu plaque, until he found what Jason had suggested he order. “Ah, okay. Two roast meats. Char…siew,” Kyle attempted carefully, “And roast pork. I’m in a porky kinda mood.”
“So,” Kyle said, when he got his nice clean chopsticks back and the waitress came and took their orders with an acknowledging grunt. “So you want to tell me why you were crying on the rooftop? I get that Roy was hurt and stuff…but he’s okay now, si? And you’re not really the type to stand around angsting about things that could’ve been. At least, I didn’t think you were.” Kyle attempted a small smile, even if he wasn’t really feeling it. But he needed to do something.
“I…” Jason exhaled, and stared at the menue plaque even though he had no reason to, and rubbed his fingers on the greasy laminate. “You’re just gonna keep… hounding aren’t you? You’re like a damn pit-bull - why isn’t your uniform reflecting THAT, I wanna know.”
He took another breath, and had some spoonfuls of soup, even though it almost scalded his tongue.
“I’m. I’m gonna break up with Roy.”
There. He’s said it. Glanced up at Kyle and shook his head. “It’s. Maybe you’re wrong and I DO stand around - angsting like a fucking teenage girl but… I’m. I’m no good for him - and Roy’s better off - he’s alwaysloved Dick more, and now I hear that he and Wally are finally, you know, in that nest together so yeah they’re, happy togehter. They don’t need a FOURTHwheel, clogging up the works.”
They got their food fast, which gave Kyle time to process what Jay had told him.
“I thought—?” he started, but stopped again, dotting more of his rice with chili oil. “This is all to do with that whole poh..lee…amory,” Kyle said it slowly, and figured somewhere in the world, Dick was proud of him for getting the word right. “Polyamory. Thing? Because no offense Todd,” He dipped the roast pork in it’s sauce and bit, his eyelids fluttering when the salty-crispy hit his mouth. “Mmm. But I didn’t even know you and Roy were together. I mean I knew about the messing around and stuff, but not the actual…together-together.”
Jason’s mouth quirked - but it couldn’t quiite be called a smile. He poked his chopsticks in his rice, upended the roast duck briefly, and then exhaled. “No. I know about the poly- I’m…. not as Poly as Dick but…”
He waved off the next sentence like smoke. “That’s not important, but we were, together-together. Sort of.”
Except it had always been obvious to Jason how much more Roy needed Dick, and this had done nothing but drive home how much Jason had been nothing but a weight on Roy Roy hadn’t needed.
“And I do - care about him,” his voice sticking on love, “But he… I figured, that this was pretty much a slap in the face, better to just, leave now. They’re happy in bludhaven. They don’t need me.”
Kyle quirked an eyebrow as he picked up his bowl, but didn’t say anything yet. ”Did you ask them? Dick and Roy. Did you ask them this, or did you just assume that they don’t need you.” Kyle scooped some more rice and bok choy into his mouth and took a bite of the char siu. Heaven. He wondered momentarily why this was oh so difficult for Jason to tell him any of this. Love-stuff? Wasn’t that kind of commonplace in a job like theirs?
Kyle looked at Jason dryly. “Because I knooow you like to fill in people’s blanks for them, heh,” he lightly teased.
Jason exhaled, giving Kyle a quirked look. “I can’t ask them.” How could he? He’d already fucked up Roy; he knew it would probably make it worse if he tried… Plus he was supposed to stay away from all the arrow family. “it’s not that I think I’m thinking for them but more trying not to fuck them up more with Me. Hence my gonna break up with Roy. Not like Dick knows I’m with him anyway…”
Kyle paused in eating. “Dick doesn’t know you’re…with…Roy?” Once again, the politics and intrigues of that Batfamily + friends completely lost Kyle. It couldn’t be as easy to do this poly thing as Dick had once made it seem.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry man. I wish it could’ve been better for you.” Kyle put his food down and sympathetically patted Jason’s hand.