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thejusticelounge2013-02-09 04:00 pm
bossymarmalade) wrote in thejusticelounge2013-02-09 04:00 pm
Entry tags:
risk assessment
[TEXT] Good morning Boy Wonderful
Dick checks his phone at its buzz. [TEXT] And good morning to you! I was just talking about you.
[TEXT] That would explain why my ears are burning.
[TEXT] Talking about you in the most kind and loving way, I assure you!
[TEXT] Consider me assured!
[TEXT] Wanna meet up for lunch? Thought maybe we could talk.
[TEXT] Could do. I thought you were moving into the Manor today?
[TEXT] Yeah, later today. I’m still flitting about the Watchtower for now, heh.
[TEXT] Dick Grayson does not flit. He strides fluidly in awesomeness.
[TEXT] Feel free to use that. *wink*
[TEXT] Aww, you flatter me! And I think I will. I’ll need it for the next Wayne gala, I’m sure.
[TEXT] So. Lunch?
[TEXT] Lunch! Cafeteria or Earthside? I could show you the woooorld~
[TEXT] Anywhere, I’m totally easy!
[TEXT] Um. I mean, anywhere is fine, Earthside, cafeteria, whatever.
[TEXT] You know, not all that hungry, have my own foot to snack on here *blush*
[TEXT] LOL! Wanna just do cafeteria and I can treat you to lunch Earthside once I’m settled in Gotham? Then if Damian writes, I’ll be ready to beam down and be productive. xD
[TEXT] Whatever’s good for you! They have a pasta bar today!
[TEXT] Mmm, pasta. Meet you there!
Bette was already close to the cafeteria when they texted, so is first to arrive. Perhaps that’s a mistake, as it’s giving her time to worry and second guess. Were she and Dick moving too fast? Should they be moving at ALL? She’d gotten over him before, and her hopes had been raised again when she first joined the League, before she found out he was already seeing someone very seriously…
Why do you do this to yourself, Bette? she thought as she drank her water and played with the corner of a napkin. The inner rebuke was as much in her own voice as it was her cousin Kate’s. Maybe this is the ‘Thanks for helping me when I needed you most, you’re a good friend, but I think this might be a bad time for anything deeper,’ talk? Oh G-d, maybe if it is…maybe he’s right? And if it isn’t…maybe it’s still right? Maybe I’m the one who should put on the brakes, after all he’s the one who’s been depressed…
But he makes me so happy… comes the quiet answer.
Dick flits—er, strides fluidly—into the cafeteria, waving cheerfully when he sees her. “Hey! How’re things in the world of Bette since yesterday?”
She feels her heart leap a little at seeing him, and does her best to ignore it. “Fine!” she gives him a cheerful grin. “Sorry about falling asleep last night. I blame the wine and the after-effects of an energetic and engaging game of Hide and Seek.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it!” he laughs. ”I actually dozed off for a while, too. It’s a warm, comfy corner, isn’t it?”
“It is! And great view too!” She thinks to ask if he brings a lot of dates there, but thinks better of it. It’s probably a special place for himself and Guy…when there was a him and Guy, and it would hurt him to be reminded of that. She looks around, to find a change of topic. “So, shall we hit the pasta bar while it’s fresh?”
“Let’s hit it!” he grins, and offers his arm with a smile to escort her to the pasta bar.
Bette blows her diet to smithereens because of her anxiety, making a note to make up for generous helping of vegetarian tortellini Alfredo with an extra intense workout later.
Meanwhile, Dick piles together three plates of different things, balancing them easily back to their table, along with a small plate of garlic bread. “Buon appetito!”
“I love having meals with you Dick,” she giggles. “Your appetite never makes me feel guilty.”
Dick laughs. “I used to use the ‘I’m a growing boy!’ excuse, but really I just love food.” He takes a long bite to punctuate this. “I don’t really get full easily, either. You shouldn’t feel guilty about loving food, too!”
“I used to do pageants, Dick, remember? That food guilt thing isn’t easy to overcome, even though I have a great body and work to keep it that way. But I love food toooooo…” she rolls her eyes and pulls her fork to her mouth, enjoying the cheesy Alfredo sauce. “So, that’ll be nice, living at the Manor again, looking after Damian.”
He chuckles, spinning the pasta onto his fork. “Yeah, it will. I think it’ll be really nice. I’ve kinda missed being back there, in some ways.”
“Familiarity is comforting,” she agrees, saying this as much to herself as to him.
Dick nods, letting a semi-awkward silence settle. Finally, he breaks it. “So, um, I thought we should talk about…us, since we haven’t really had a chance to talk alone like that….”
Bette inwardly steels herself. Here it comes. “Bette, I think you’re a great person. You’ve got a great heart, but…” “Sure…I guess it…feels awkward, huh?”
“What? No, I mean, there’s a lot of things I—” He sighs. “I don’t want you to think you’re some kind of rebound or something. You’re not. I…don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Oh, I don’t feel uncomfortable!” she says a quickly, and she realizes belatedly, much too quickly. “I thought you might…I mean…given our…my history. And…I’ve really tried my best to not take advantage of your situation Dick. I don’t want you or anyone else to think that I…” her voice trails off as she gathers her thoughts, and she lays down her fork. “All-too-easily-awakened feelings, I may be susceptible to. But I am not, and never will be again, accused of being an opportunistic man-chaser. I wouldn’t do that to you. Or to myself.”
Dick smiles and takes her hand gently. “I don’t think you are, and anyone who thinks that doesn’t know you at all. You’re a wonderful friend, Bette. And that’s why I am willing to let this become something more. But there’s a lot of stuff I have to work out, and I need to know it’s safe to work it out.”
Bette swallows hard, running his words over in her head. He needs to work things out, she is a friend, he wants to get closer because she’s a friend, not because she’s convenient or he’s desperate for a replacement for Guy… She comes to the conclusion that not only does Dick want this, but he’s thought this through rationally. He’s not under any delusions of this being uncomplicated. “Safe?”
The acrobat twirls his pasta some more. “Yeah…. There’s some stuff… I’ve been kinda hesitant to talk about, work out, y’know….” He sighs heavily. “We don’t need to talk about it right now, though. Right now, we should talk about…how do you feel about starting something with me?”
Bette stares across at him, her ears roaring with the blood pressure from what this conversation is doing to her heart. All she’d ever wanted before, as a teen, was what he was now proposing. He’d hurt her then. Years later she joined the League, earned his respect and admiration, mistook it for affection, and hurt herself when she realized it wasn’t what she thought. And now…That New Year’s kiss had stirred those feelings again, and she’d felt herself getting careless, but this time Dick was making overtures towards her. Was it worth it? Was HE worth it, being hurt a third time? “How…do I feel?” she released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I feel…very torn.”
Dick nods in understanding. “I won’t lie to you Bette, or pretend I don’t… I still love Guy very much. It doesn’t mean I can’t love you, or I don’t love you, or I couldn’t love you, but I’ll always feel this way for him. I need to be sure you understand that if we do… become something more.”
“I don’t doubt you can love more than one person, Dick. And I wouldn’t ever begrudge your feelings for others. That’s just who you are.” She steeled herself again, took a big breath. “But you have these already-established feelings for Guy, and you say you always will for him, I’m assuming whether he’s interested or not.” She looks down, “If there’s anyone who can sympathize with that, it’s me. I mean, you were actually WITH Guy, he’s not some fantasy to you, so that makes it much worse, in a way…”
“This would be really far from perfect, you know? I mean, if you and Guy don’t reconcile, and you still have feelings for him, then isn’t that like you settled for the next best thing? Someone to fill the void in your life instead of someone who fits with your already-healthy life? And if he DOES gets back his memories, or his sense of sexuality, and you DO reconcile…to me it feels like that makes me the disposable partner, by default. And that’s really not safe for me.
“I…care very deeply for you, Dick. I just don’t want to be hurt again.”
Dick squeezes her hand gently. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to make you feel disposable. And I don’t want to do anything to hurt our friendship. I don’t know how to tell you what might happen, or show you this isn’t a rebound.” He swallows hard and looks up at her, “I don’t know what to do.”
Bette drops her shoulders a little. “You know. I’m hardly being fair. I mean…neither of us knows what might happen, right? We could hypothesize endlessly and talk ourselves out of something really and truly wonderful, or into something really painful…”
She looks him in the eye, searchingly. “I believe you, though, that this isn’t a rebound. I worried about that too, you know; when I was helping you get back on your feet, literally and figuratively, I kept reminding myself to not let you just become dependent on me physically or emotionally. But…if it were a rebound, would you be looking at it so analytically in the first place?”
“I wanted to be sure I wouldn’t hurt you at the start, and that wouldn’t be fair to you at all.” He poked at his pasta. “What if we did a sort of…trial run? Knowing where we stand, knowing how things could come out, what if we tried the dating part like we don’t know each other? Or even just, I don’t know, focused on being physical friends or something. Not like friends with benefits or anything, just, more huggy and stuff. Friends with potential, I guess.” He smiles shakily now that his rambling has run out of steam.
She fights a smile, because, oh, goodness, this is a serious conversation but Dick sometimes has the most wonderful turns of phrases that he comes up with on the fly. “Friends with potential,” she repeats. “So, you want to focus on the physical, but not TOO physical…and, I’m okay with that last part. But if I understand you right, Dick, you’re suggesting physical closeness and experimental dating as if we were getting to know each other for the first time?”
Dick nods tentatively. “Yes. Maybe? If you think that could work?” He sighed, “I just don’t want you to feel like any prior feelings are guiding how this goes, y’know? Like, I want this to be sorta…clean slate.”
Bette chews her lip and places her hands over his. “Dick…there’s no meanness meant by this, but…that’s easy for you to say. You have never had any prior feelings for me.”
Dick stares at their hands. “I just want to do whatever makes this easiest for you.”
“I know,” Bette squeezes some reassurance into their clasped hands. “And I don’t want to make anything difficult for you. I just…you can’t expect me to be a close physical friend and expect me to simply not feel anything. Because, I know I will anyway. I can’t make a promise to not…to not develop strong feelings for you just in case you get to be with Guy again.” She slowly withdrew her hand and hugged herself. “So…I guess that’s just a risk I have to be willing to take, if we do this. I’m hardly some foolish, lovesick teen anymore who is head over heels for you.” She gave him a sad smile. “I’m an educated, career-oriented woman who has been head over heels for you for years,” she laughed weakly.
“I’m sorry. I never meant—” He sighs and shakes his head. “This isn’t fair to you, none of it is. I really do have feelings for you, Bette. And I really would love to have something with you, but…I don’t want to hurt you. Maybe now just isn’t the right time…” He swallows hard against the lump in his throat, chewing his lip. “Why can’t things just be simple for once, y’know?”
Bette reaches forward and takes his hands in hers again. “I don’t know when a ‘right’ time for this sort of thing would be, Dick. And, it’s certainly not fair to you, either, especially what happened to you and Guy.”
She is quiet for a while, watching the conflicted emotions play across his face. “We’ll…we’ll take it slow. Like you suggested. And…I’ll try to keep my feelings in check, or, well, at least try to pace them with what you’re feeling for me.” She smiles then, and lifts his hands up, holding them between the two of them. “Let’s walk this together, instead of me chasing you, for a change.”
Dick interlaces their fingers. “I can do that. Exploring this all together. I’d like that.” He hesitates a moment, then leans forward, offering a kiss, their hands still clasped.
Bette leaned towards him as her lips parted. This wasn’t like New Year’s Eve, a shy, quick kiss for sentiment’s sake, one she could steal on a special occasion by rising up on her toes to meet him on his level. Like this kiss, so was this new relationship; she was going into this with her eyes open, on equal ground.
Dick checks his phone at its buzz. [TEXT] And good morning to you! I was just talking about you.
[TEXT] That would explain why my ears are burning.
[TEXT] Talking about you in the most kind and loving way, I assure you!
[TEXT] Consider me assured!
[TEXT] Wanna meet up for lunch? Thought maybe we could talk.
[TEXT] Could do. I thought you were moving into the Manor today?
[TEXT] Yeah, later today. I’m still flitting about the Watchtower for now, heh.
[TEXT] Dick Grayson does not flit. He strides fluidly in awesomeness.
[TEXT] Feel free to use that. *wink*
[TEXT] Aww, you flatter me! And I think I will. I’ll need it for the next Wayne gala, I’m sure.
[TEXT] So. Lunch?
[TEXT] Lunch! Cafeteria or Earthside? I could show you the woooorld~
[TEXT] Anywhere, I’m totally easy!
[TEXT] Um. I mean, anywhere is fine, Earthside, cafeteria, whatever.
[TEXT] You know, not all that hungry, have my own foot to snack on here *blush*
[TEXT] LOL! Wanna just do cafeteria and I can treat you to lunch Earthside once I’m settled in Gotham? Then if Damian writes, I’ll be ready to beam down and be productive. xD
[TEXT] Whatever’s good for you! They have a pasta bar today!
[TEXT] Mmm, pasta. Meet you there!
Bette was already close to the cafeteria when they texted, so is first to arrive. Perhaps that’s a mistake, as it’s giving her time to worry and second guess. Were she and Dick moving too fast? Should they be moving at ALL? She’d gotten over him before, and her hopes had been raised again when she first joined the League, before she found out he was already seeing someone very seriously…
Why do you do this to yourself, Bette? she thought as she drank her water and played with the corner of a napkin. The inner rebuke was as much in her own voice as it was her cousin Kate’s. Maybe this is the ‘Thanks for helping me when I needed you most, you’re a good friend, but I think this might be a bad time for anything deeper,’ talk? Oh G-d, maybe if it is…maybe he’s right? And if it isn’t…maybe it’s still right? Maybe I’m the one who should put on the brakes, after all he’s the one who’s been depressed…
But he makes me so happy… comes the quiet answer.
Dick flits—er, strides fluidly—into the cafeteria, waving cheerfully when he sees her. “Hey! How’re things in the world of Bette since yesterday?”
She feels her heart leap a little at seeing him, and does her best to ignore it. “Fine!” she gives him a cheerful grin. “Sorry about falling asleep last night. I blame the wine and the after-effects of an energetic and engaging game of Hide and Seek.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it!” he laughs. ”I actually dozed off for a while, too. It’s a warm, comfy corner, isn’t it?”
“It is! And great view too!” She thinks to ask if he brings a lot of dates there, but thinks better of it. It’s probably a special place for himself and Guy…when there was a him and Guy, and it would hurt him to be reminded of that. She looks around, to find a change of topic. “So, shall we hit the pasta bar while it’s fresh?”
“Let’s hit it!” he grins, and offers his arm with a smile to escort her to the pasta bar.
Bette blows her diet to smithereens because of her anxiety, making a note to make up for generous helping of vegetarian tortellini Alfredo with an extra intense workout later.
Meanwhile, Dick piles together three plates of different things, balancing them easily back to their table, along with a small plate of garlic bread. “Buon appetito!”
“I love having meals with you Dick,” she giggles. “Your appetite never makes me feel guilty.”
Dick laughs. “I used to use the ‘I’m a growing boy!’ excuse, but really I just love food.” He takes a long bite to punctuate this. “I don’t really get full easily, either. You shouldn’t feel guilty about loving food, too!”
“I used to do pageants, Dick, remember? That food guilt thing isn’t easy to overcome, even though I have a great body and work to keep it that way. But I love food toooooo…” she rolls her eyes and pulls her fork to her mouth, enjoying the cheesy Alfredo sauce. “So, that’ll be nice, living at the Manor again, looking after Damian.”
He chuckles, spinning the pasta onto his fork. “Yeah, it will. I think it’ll be really nice. I’ve kinda missed being back there, in some ways.”
“Familiarity is comforting,” she agrees, saying this as much to herself as to him.
Dick nods, letting a semi-awkward silence settle. Finally, he breaks it. “So, um, I thought we should talk about…us, since we haven’t really had a chance to talk alone like that….”
Bette inwardly steels herself. Here it comes. “Bette, I think you’re a great person. You’ve got a great heart, but…” “Sure…I guess it…feels awkward, huh?”
“What? No, I mean, there’s a lot of things I—” He sighs. “I don’t want you to think you’re some kind of rebound or something. You’re not. I…don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Oh, I don’t feel uncomfortable!” she says a quickly, and she realizes belatedly, much too quickly. “I thought you might…I mean…given our…my history. And…I’ve really tried my best to not take advantage of your situation Dick. I don’t want you or anyone else to think that I…” her voice trails off as she gathers her thoughts, and she lays down her fork. “All-too-easily-awakened feelings, I may be susceptible to. But I am not, and never will be again, accused of being an opportunistic man-chaser. I wouldn’t do that to you. Or to myself.”
Dick smiles and takes her hand gently. “I don’t think you are, and anyone who thinks that doesn’t know you at all. You’re a wonderful friend, Bette. And that’s why I am willing to let this become something more. But there’s a lot of stuff I have to work out, and I need to know it’s safe to work it out.”
Bette swallows hard, running his words over in her head. He needs to work things out, she is a friend, he wants to get closer because she’s a friend, not because she’s convenient or he’s desperate for a replacement for Guy… She comes to the conclusion that not only does Dick want this, but he’s thought this through rationally. He’s not under any delusions of this being uncomplicated. “Safe?”
The acrobat twirls his pasta some more. “Yeah…. There’s some stuff… I’ve been kinda hesitant to talk about, work out, y’know….” He sighs heavily. “We don’t need to talk about it right now, though. Right now, we should talk about…how do you feel about starting something with me?”
Bette stares across at him, her ears roaring with the blood pressure from what this conversation is doing to her heart. All she’d ever wanted before, as a teen, was what he was now proposing. He’d hurt her then. Years later she joined the League, earned his respect and admiration, mistook it for affection, and hurt herself when she realized it wasn’t what she thought. And now…That New Year’s kiss had stirred those feelings again, and she’d felt herself getting careless, but this time Dick was making overtures towards her. Was it worth it? Was HE worth it, being hurt a third time? “How…do I feel?” she released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I feel…very torn.”
Dick nods in understanding. “I won’t lie to you Bette, or pretend I don’t… I still love Guy very much. It doesn’t mean I can’t love you, or I don’t love you, or I couldn’t love you, but I’ll always feel this way for him. I need to be sure you understand that if we do… become something more.”
“I don’t doubt you can love more than one person, Dick. And I wouldn’t ever begrudge your feelings for others. That’s just who you are.” She steeled herself again, took a big breath. “But you have these already-established feelings for Guy, and you say you always will for him, I’m assuming whether he’s interested or not.” She looks down, “If there’s anyone who can sympathize with that, it’s me. I mean, you were actually WITH Guy, he’s not some fantasy to you, so that makes it much worse, in a way…”
“This would be really far from perfect, you know? I mean, if you and Guy don’t reconcile, and you still have feelings for him, then isn’t that like you settled for the next best thing? Someone to fill the void in your life instead of someone who fits with your already-healthy life? And if he DOES gets back his memories, or his sense of sexuality, and you DO reconcile…to me it feels like that makes me the disposable partner, by default. And that’s really not safe for me.
“I…care very deeply for you, Dick. I just don’t want to be hurt again.”
Dick squeezes her hand gently. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to make you feel disposable. And I don’t want to do anything to hurt our friendship. I don’t know how to tell you what might happen, or show you this isn’t a rebound.” He swallows hard and looks up at her, “I don’t know what to do.”
Bette drops her shoulders a little. “You know. I’m hardly being fair. I mean…neither of us knows what might happen, right? We could hypothesize endlessly and talk ourselves out of something really and truly wonderful, or into something really painful…”
She looks him in the eye, searchingly. “I believe you, though, that this isn’t a rebound. I worried about that too, you know; when I was helping you get back on your feet, literally and figuratively, I kept reminding myself to not let you just become dependent on me physically or emotionally. But…if it were a rebound, would you be looking at it so analytically in the first place?”
“I wanted to be sure I wouldn’t hurt you at the start, and that wouldn’t be fair to you at all.” He poked at his pasta. “What if we did a sort of…trial run? Knowing where we stand, knowing how things could come out, what if we tried the dating part like we don’t know each other? Or even just, I don’t know, focused on being physical friends or something. Not like friends with benefits or anything, just, more huggy and stuff. Friends with potential, I guess.” He smiles shakily now that his rambling has run out of steam.
She fights a smile, because, oh, goodness, this is a serious conversation but Dick sometimes has the most wonderful turns of phrases that he comes up with on the fly. “Friends with potential,” she repeats. “So, you want to focus on the physical, but not TOO physical…and, I’m okay with that last part. But if I understand you right, Dick, you’re suggesting physical closeness and experimental dating as if we were getting to know each other for the first time?”
Dick nods tentatively. “Yes. Maybe? If you think that could work?” He sighed, “I just don’t want you to feel like any prior feelings are guiding how this goes, y’know? Like, I want this to be sorta…clean slate.”
Bette chews her lip and places her hands over his. “Dick…there’s no meanness meant by this, but…that’s easy for you to say. You have never had any prior feelings for me.”
Dick stares at their hands. “I just want to do whatever makes this easiest for you.”
“I know,” Bette squeezes some reassurance into their clasped hands. “And I don’t want to make anything difficult for you. I just…you can’t expect me to be a close physical friend and expect me to simply not feel anything. Because, I know I will anyway. I can’t make a promise to not…to not develop strong feelings for you just in case you get to be with Guy again.” She slowly withdrew her hand and hugged herself. “So…I guess that’s just a risk I have to be willing to take, if we do this. I’m hardly some foolish, lovesick teen anymore who is head over heels for you.” She gave him a sad smile. “I’m an educated, career-oriented woman who has been head over heels for you for years,” she laughed weakly.
“I’m sorry. I never meant—” He sighs and shakes his head. “This isn’t fair to you, none of it is. I really do have feelings for you, Bette. And I really would love to have something with you, but…I don’t want to hurt you. Maybe now just isn’t the right time…” He swallows hard against the lump in his throat, chewing his lip. “Why can’t things just be simple for once, y’know?”
Bette reaches forward and takes his hands in hers again. “I don’t know when a ‘right’ time for this sort of thing would be, Dick. And, it’s certainly not fair to you, either, especially what happened to you and Guy.”
She is quiet for a while, watching the conflicted emotions play across his face. “We’ll…we’ll take it slow. Like you suggested. And…I’ll try to keep my feelings in check, or, well, at least try to pace them with what you’re feeling for me.” She smiles then, and lifts his hands up, holding them between the two of them. “Let’s walk this together, instead of me chasing you, for a change.”
Dick interlaces their fingers. “I can do that. Exploring this all together. I’d like that.” He hesitates a moment, then leans forward, offering a kiss, their hands still clasped.
Bette leaned towards him as her lips parted. This wasn’t like New Year’s Eve, a shy, quick kiss for sentiment’s sake, one she could steal on a special occasion by rising up on her toes to meet him on his level. Like this kiss, so was this new relationship; she was going into this with her eyes open, on equal ground.