settle down, it'll all be clear

[bossymarmalade]

Ollie keeps poking his fingers with the needle as he strings popcorn, but he doesn’t really seem to notice — archer’s callouses — and he keeps munching on it, so the garland is taking quite a while to take form.

Zee spies Ollie fussing with the needle as he strings the popcorn, “Oh geeze, who left you in charge of decorating?”

Ollie snorts, wrapping part of his completed garland around his wrist. “Good thing is, mine is more candy necklace than it is tree decoration. I’m only makin’ the damn thing to keep from having idle hands.” He blinks at Zee. “How ‘bout you? Taking a break from the mother inside?”

Zee holds up her arms, indicating nothing up my sleeves, “No, none of that. Between Kyle watching over me and the latest diary entries being less than jolly I’ve decided to take a small break for the holidays,” sitting down by Ollie, Zee takes up some popcorn and string for herself, “You’re needing to keep your hands busy?”

Ollie gives a small, wry smile. “Something like that,” he says, then coughs, popcorn sifting down to the floor as he moves his arm restlessly. “You probably — fuck, Zee. You’d understand but not in a good way.”

Zee nudges her shoulder against Ollie’s, “Well. We can talk about it if you think I can relate- or we string popcorn till our fingers bleed,” she laughs, “I will totally loose that by the way. If finger bleeding is a contest, anyway.” almost on cue, Zee’s needle goes awry, sticking right in the middle of her thumb, “Shit.”



Ollie nods, reaching for the bottle of cream soda he’s halfway finished. “Okay,” he says. “Maybe stick to garlanding, then.” He lifts his string, displaying it. “Not bad, for what I got done. You did the whole decorating thing?”

"Unless you count the little bit of tinsel I threw on one of the potted plants in my living room, no. I am perhaps the absolute worst celebrator of Christmas this year. I didn’t even personally buy anyone their Christmas presents, my assistant William did. So hopefully he knows you well," she winks at Ollie as she slides the needle (more successfully) through a small handful of popcorn.

Ollie reaches out to take Zee’s hand, idly licking the little pinprick area on her thumb where it’s still welling blood, although more slowly. “Good thing about having friends who’re also in the public eye, then,” he remarks. “All William had to do was consult the right gossip rags, magazines, and starfuckers, and he’d come up with something close enough to the truth.”

Zee wiggles her thumb in Ollie’s hold, “Normally, he’s pretty good at reading through the lines…although I’ve got to say, worst case scenario he’ll have bought you a green hoodie. Although, I’ve so unfortunatly fallen out of my habit of reading the weekly trash gossip magazines. So what are they saying about you now?”

Ollie looks down, and although there’s a slight smile on his lips, it’s a bleak one. As is his voice when he says, “…’Star City billionaire and vigilante Oliver Queen deserts his family on Christmas Eve, doesn’t look back.”

Zee lowers her garland to her lap, “Ollie. There’s no way that-wait. Is that what you think too? That you’re abandoning your family?”

"That’s the thing, Zee. I almost /did/." He raises his head, looking at her, and she can more clearly see the dark bruise around one of his eyes, the obvious marks of having been in a lot of fights. Nothing new, considering their night jobs, but the bruises stand out starkly against his skin, thin and pale like he hasn’t been sleeping. "Yesterday night. I looked around at everything in the house, all of the decorations and signs that they were there, and I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to bolt. I nearly did."

Zee sighs, lightly brushing her finger along the outer edge of the dark bruise around his eye, “But you went back. Even though you wanted to bolt you still came back, Ollie. That counts for a whole lot.”

Ollie holds perfectly still as Zee brushes her fingertips along his black eye, her fingertips smooth, silken. “I nearly slept with Cass Cain.” His eyebrows pucker a little, in the middle, worried.

Zee raises her brow high at his second confession. She pushes her hand back from his eye and her fingers lightly pinch on his earlobe, “Okay, what- how? What is going on with you? Is this like some midlife crisis?”

Ollie gives a barking laugh, but then he stops short, looking horrified. “Oh god. What if it is? Jesus, Zee, that’s so pathetic! I’m just heading to forty, I’m not some grey-hair who can’t get it up anymore! A midlife crisis!” He crams popcorn in his mouth, still mumbling.

"It would be pathetic, I’m not going to lie!" she shakes her head, "Because right now I can’t even think of a decent reason why else you’d nearly sleep with Bruce’s daughter, Ollie. His daughter!”

"I /know/," Ollie groans. "I just …" he starts stringing again, glumly. "It was so goddamn tempting. She just … we don’t get along. We don’t like each other. It felt good."

Zee huffs, turning back to her garland, but her focus is shot, “It felt good why? Seriously, it sounds like you’re trying to escape here or something Ollie…I don’t know. Any time I try and do the whole runaway bit it sort of blows up in my face.”

Ollie jabs a piece of popcorn on the needle over and over until the kernel disintegrates. “Sometimes it feels good to be with somebody who doesn’t expect me to do the right thing,” he says in a sour mutter. “I dunno, Zee. It feels overwhelming. It makes me feel that maybe I’m not built for this, for family and responsibility and being good. Having people who love me.”

”Maybe it’s the holidays…” she shrugs, “Now that you’ve got everyone home, it might be stressful, feeling like a patriarch. I mean you’ve got such a big family, Ollie.” Zee leans her head onto Ollie shoulder, “I’ll just say what you probably already know: you don’t have to be the right and responsible one for everyone. You just have to be there, and try. They’ll all love you regardless. Mia and Connor- Tak and Roy. I don’t think any of them still have that wide eyed kiddie viewpoint of perfect parents.”

Ollie purses his mouth, considering her. “Zee,” he says finally. “Jesus, Zee. That’s —” He doesn’t get much further, shaking his head as he swallows. “Thank you. That helps, it really does.”

Zee presses a kiss below his bruised eye, “Okay good. Glad to help,” she turns back to her garland, “Next time if you need some fresh air, call me. I’ll take us to the Bahamas or something instead.”

Ollie eyes her, though, despite his own fears being somewhat allayed. “D’you think it’s shitty of me?” he asks, slowly. “I mean, since your mom did the same thing to you.”

Zee shrugs, “Hating her choice is different than talking a friend through something maybe similar. Petty as that sounds. Plus, I don’t know. I know you- I know your kids. You’ve been with them longer than my mom ever was with me. You’ve at least put in an effort. She didn’t for me, not once.” Zee presses her lips together, considering how her mother’s diaries might shed some new light on her mother’s decision to leave her- but she’d cross that bridge when she came to it.

Ollie reaches over to cup Zee’s elbow briefly, gratefully. “You think that’s what made you act like you did when you had your …” he trails off, then tweaks her hair. “Gone blonde. Gone loopy. You think it was you, or your mom acting out?”

"You mean when I was younger or recently? When I was younger, the blonde was me doing the whole bratty rebel thing for the most part, there might’ve been some of her influence there- but it was usually all me. More recently…I don’t know. What I’d like to say is that it was all her, but. I don’t know for sure. Maybe I wanted to get back to the bratty rebel girl again and cause a little trouble. Sometimes it was fun," she laughs loud, "Like how stupid that is- the whole blondes have more fun. Maybe I fell for it!"

Ollie grins and dips his head, pushing his own blond locks against Zee’s shoulder and rubbing there like a cat. “There’s some truth to the old cliche, I regret to tell you,” he says. “And yeah. As lonely and stupid as my wild youth was, there’s times when I feel like it would be so easy to do all that again. Go back to being a self-destructive loner who just drinks and drugs and fucks all the pain and confusion away, instead of trying to figure it out and deal with it and get better like a responsible grownup.”

Zee brushes her nose against Ollie’s hair, “Oh no my poor blonde soul! Whatever, I look better with my hair the way it is. So much better,” Zee laughs, “Essh, can you imagine the both of us if we were friends back in our wild youth days? Like a tornado…” Zee sits up in her seat, shaking her head, “As far as I can tell, you’re a better balance now of wild and responsible. Nothing too extreme.”

Ollie looks pleased, despite what they’ve been talking about. “You think I still seem wild? That’s good. I was starting to worry I was getting too sedate and boring and predictable. Or something. It’s a depressing thought.” He squeezes her arm before sitting back up and returning to the garland. “We woulda been a natural disaster and no mistake. Especially if you decided to go with your natural midnight hair. Superior by far to the towheaded look for you, Zeebee.”

"You’re still wild, it’s a different wild than what it used to be probably- but still there. You take risks, you don’t back out of fights, and you’re still bold. No one wears orange the way you do. The wildness, I don’t think it ever goes away" Zee wiggles in her seat, getting comfortable, and a steady rhythm down in stringing popcorn, "So. You are feeling better then? You can make it through Christmas at least can’t you? I can give another pep talk before New Years if need be."

Ollie nods, flushing with pleasure at her praise. “Feeling better for sure. I mean—” he squints his swollen eye at her, “—getting the stuffing beat outta me helped too, not gonna lie. But talking to you falls more in the category of the responsible way to deal with it. How ‘bout that, Zee!” He whaps her shoulder lightly with the back of his hand. “You’re keeping me on the path of the adult and respectable!”

Zee jokingly groans, “Oh nooo, I’m responsible?? Since when?!” she pats his leg, “No, seriously it’s alright, for you I’ll take the adulthood path. Maybe every so often we’ll switch it up- actually go off to the Bahamas, get drunk, and do lots and lots of stupid things. Yes. That’ll happen one day.”

"It’s a promise. And you won’t even need to bleach your hair out." Ollie gives up on stringing new popcorn onto his thread and just starts eating them off the line instead.

"No, but I’ll compensate with a serious tan instead, even better." Zee eyes Ollie eating popcorn by the handful, throwing down her garland- nearly half done at least- and joins in on the snacking, "I don’t even care that it’s cold." she giggles before grabbing a fresh handful, "Confession- I have eaten nearly three full batches of Christmas cookies all on my own. So worth it."

Ollie nods dolefully. “Since I’m trying not to drink or smoke up or anything I just keep browsing through all the Christmas goodies. I’ve started packing on the pounds.” He pats his slightly thicker middle. “Ah, well. It all works out in the end.”

"Oh and I bet your bunch has you totally spoiled with treats- if Mar’i is around too I bet you have some great food from her too! From what I’ve heard from Kyle, she’s a great cook," puffing out her cheeks, Zee gives a shrug, "Whatever, the New Year will probably kick our butt and it’ll balance, out."

Ollie leans back, tossing popcorn into his mouth with a smirk. “Eh, who cares,” he shrugs. “I think Bruce is into it. Which is encouraging. Always nice when your partner finds you sexy no matter what shape you’re in, hey?”

Zee smiles, “I feel like Bruce probably isn’t too picky when it come to appearances, so long as Ollie is still inside. Any opinions from Kate?”

Ollie chews thoughtfully. “Dunno if she’s noticed, to be honest,” he says. “We haven’t exactly been … well, we’ve kinda been estranged lately. We’re working on it, but there’s a lot to work through.” Ollie sighs, a big heavy breath of it that stirs the loose popcorn kernels on the table.

Zee munches on her handful slowly, “Oh…but you are working on it, and it sounds like you’re aware.” Zee rubs a hand along Ollie’s shoulder, feeling as if any advice on Kate wouldn’t cover it, at least from what she could guess this was about, “It’ll be alright. You’ve both been through a lot this year.”

Ollie smiles at her a little. “We’ve all been through a lot,” he says. “Kinda comes with being us, I guess. If we’re having an easy time of it, we’re not doing our jobs.” The smile falters a little, and Ollie rubs his palm over his mouth and chin, adding, “—just sucks when it screws with your relationships. Considering how important those are to keep us upright and functional and able to do what we do.”

Zee leans back against the couch with a heavy sigh, “It sucks, it SUCKS so so much because we need those relationships exactly for being us and all we take on. It’s like the only stability we have some days.” Zee shakes her head, “You know that you have more than just Kate to count on- but…they’re still not the same. Not even close. So for your sake, and her’s I hope you both try and mend things as best you can.”

"I hope so too. I really do." Ollie looks over at Zee, taking in her dark hair fanning out against the pale sofa. "You’ve had big fights with Rayner, right? Serious ones?"

Zee nods, “Oh yeah, of course. The ugliest fights are pretty few and far between thankfully, but we do fight. Usually they’re irritating fights that make me wanna hit him or something. Like ones sparking up over not wanting to communicate- one of us doesn’t want to talk about something and the other keeps pushing on it wanting to be helpful. It is SO not helpful,” she shrugs, “Other times, it’s not really a fight at all- like all that stuff with me moving, and Kyle moving. There was never a fight. Just hurt feelings on my part. We’re lucky that there’s been no blow outs lately, but…it always feels like somethings around the corner and either we’ll get through it no problems at all, or…you know. Problems.”

Ollie sits up straighter, excited by part of Zee’s comment. “It IS useful, though! The pushing the uncommunicative one to talk. I mean, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, Zee, it’s that everybody /wants/ to talk, deep down inside. We just feel like we can’t, or shouldn’t, or what we have to say isn’t important. So we don’t bring it up ourselves; we wait for somebody to ask, and to ask like they /want/ to know, not just being polite and then moving on the first time you say it’s okay, you don’t /reaaaally/ need to talk about it.” He pauses to take a breath. “It’s the asking that’s important. And if that seems like pushing maybe it’s not such a bad thing.”

"Okay okay, I can see your point. Asking for others to talk about what they are currently dealing with is useful in the long run. For Kyle and I we always have gotten to the point where we can talk. I totally agree, everyone needs to talk about stuff, I mean I go to a freaking therapist! Talking is GREAT, but at the same time it’s like…I don’t know the friction from the prodding and the stuff that’s said in order to avoid what needs to be said, that’s ugly. I don’t know how to account for that," she shrugs, "the end benefits might outweigh the risks of the process, but it still stings sometimes." She eyes Ollie, "Are you having issues communicating with Kate or something?"

Ollie snorts. “That obvious, huh?” He lolls his head back on the sofa too, blinking at the ceiling. “We used to jive so easily, and now it feels like we’re both misfiring constantly. I dunno. It’s been like this and getting worse for so long, I have these moments where I wonder if it’s been too long and we won’t be able to find our way back to that common path again.” He closes his eyes, scratching one hand across his belly. “It’s a painful feeling. Scary, too.”

"Maybe a tiny bit so." Zee stretches an arm around the back of the couch, running a hand through his hair, "So you’re both…misfiring in how you understand each other you think? Like maybe there’s been some changes in the both of you, and you haven’t quite adjusted…" she hums softly, "I can imagine it being scary, yeah. One minute you’re jelling so well and the next no matter what you say or do there’s a tear between you, and it keeps getting worse with everything you try to fix it with. That’s terrifying." Pursing her lips she ventures, "Has Bruce gotten involved, or do you want this to just be between you and Kate?"

"We’ve all been so fractured what with them being under so much stress, y’know, with Kate’s parents and Gotham being under attack. Bruce and me have managed to work through most of it, but Kate and me just haven’t been able to get back into our groove yet." Ollie reaches for his soda. "I don’t mind if he’s involved. I’m happy for any of the stuff that goes on among us to be three-way communication. But I dunno if we’re there yet."

"Sometimes it just takes longer…I mean after all that stress, maybe she’s still settling down, trying to get back to neutral kind of deal. Things being good with Bruce for both of you is probably a good sign. I think that’s worth something, and maybe getting him involved when you both feel up for it, that could be helpful." Zee lightly combs through a small section of Ollie’s hair, "The holidays really suck sometimes, Ollie." she smirks.

Ollie wrinkles his nose. “Tell me about it. Most of my holidays after my folks died were … well, anyhow. They suck, all right.” He considers sitting up straight again, but Zee’s fingers feel so nice in his hair. “Zee,” Ollie says, voice drifting and quiet, “would you mind if I take a little nap here? With you?”

"Not a bit. I’ll be here, eating popcorn off the garlands and sitting guard or whatever." Zee continues to run her hand through his hair gently, "Sleep well, Ollie."