miss maggie (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bossymarmalade) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thejusticelounge2012-11-06 06:24 pm
bossymarmalade) wrote in thejusticelounge2012-11-06 06:24 pm
Entry tags:
stepping stones
TXT: I’ll come over faster
The door was barely open before Bai was crowding her way in, hands on her hips. She glared at Tim, under her eyes pouching as she loudly buzzed, “idnwhtuuretnnkgthzzzztxtzzzbticaaantbleeeuughtzzzzzzzzaoodia!!!”
Looking slightly terrified, Tim backed up, palms up in front of him.
“Bai… I have no idea what you just said but please don’t be mad, okay? I… It was the timing that was the problem with me… Not being able to ask you before, and…” He stepped forwards, peering at her from under his bangs. “I really didn’t want to mess this up but I obviously have, and I’m really sorry.”
Making a sonically high (but fortunately not at glass-breaking pitch) noise of frustration, Bai lapped Tim sixty-eight times before pulling up in front of him again. She still had her eyes narrowed, and now her already spiky hair was standing up a little more on end, like a cat’s.
“I said,” she blared, “I dunno what you were thinking with those texts but I can’t believe you thought it was a good idea!!” She screwed her mouth to the side. “And why shouldn’t I be mad? We been friends for HOW long now, Tim? What made you think I was so—”
Cutting herself off, Bai gave a short, annoyed yowl and took a breath. “Okay so,” she said to Tim. “Tell me. Why you wanna date me?”
Tim grimaced at her noise, resisting the urge to cover his ears, but ow, that was loud. His eyes flickered from side so side as she ran round him, before locking onto her as she slowed.
He stood there and waited for Bai to calm down a little, nodding as she spoke.
“Why? Well… Because you’re… You. You’re funny, and really, really clever, even if you don’t always credit yourself for it, and you’re the only person I want to see, most of the time.” He said, blushing a little. “You look amazing, even when you’ve just woke up and when you’re eating and when those things coincide and you’re sat eating cereal and you just sit there with the spoon hanging out of your mouth while you watch cartoons. And… Well. I just. I like you.” He stepped closer to her again, almost timidly.
“And I want to be able to do stupid stuff like hold your hand and kiss you and take you to dinner and buy you ludicrous oversized teddies because that’s what boyfriends do, right?” Tim continued, scratching his fingers through his hair. “I can always trust you to tell me when I’m being a total idiot- like now- and. I don’t know how to do this and I don’t know why you’d say yes but I really want to go out with you. A lot.”
“Okay, that’s a start.” Bai pulled at a loose thread on her elbow, wrapping it around her finger as it came unraveled. “I like seeing you too, and I mean that you’re my best friend and good to hang around with plus I like how you look. Lots of times I wanna be away from all the noise and people and crowds and things but I don’t wanna be alone, and I know I can do that with you.”
The thread around her finger was making the tip of it cold and purple now, but the feeling of it calmed her down. “Although I don’t like stuffies, they creep me out. I like holding hands and kissing and dinner, but…” Bai sighed. “But I dunno if I should like them with *you*, Tim. I think it’s a huge massive spluh of a mistake to want to date your best friend when you’re feeling down on yourself or scared. So I guess — let’s putitthisway.”
She looked at Tim seriously. “Don’t tellmeyou don’t know why I’d say yes. Tell me why I SHOULD say yes. I can deal with you being all self-deprecating and ‘there’s a million squillion people better than meeee’ if we’re friends, Tim, because that’s what biffies are all about. I don’t think I want that in a boyfriend. So tell me why I should date *you*, Tim Drake, my total best friend.”
“I feel the same. About not wanting to be alone but not wanting to be with loads of people.” He said, frowning a little at her finger, but not saying or doing anything about it. Tim didn’t want to… annoy her, on top of making her upset over the texts.
“It’s not just because I’m lonely, or scared. Yes, I’ll admit that… I guess I am, Bai, I’m scared of losing everyone.” He sighed a little, crossing his arms across his chest. “But… Look, Bai, I’ve wanted to ask you out for a long time. I just had… I don’t know, a wake-up call that I should do something about it recently, and I don’t want to lose my chance.”
“Oh. Uh. Bai, I wasn’t actually being self-deprecating this time. It was more an… ‘I’ve been a prat and I was expecting you to say no on principle’ thing.” Tim shrugged. “You want reasons why you should go out with me? Uh. Okay. Well, I know what you like, and what you don’t. I know I can make you laugh. I’m clever, and it’s not like you have to worry about me cheating on you.” He huffed out a little breath. “And you know the real me. That I can crack jokes and that I read ‘stuffy’ poetry, that I have cravings for junkfood and cuddles at really random moments, and that I pretty much love you more than anyone else, because you are my best friend. And you always will be, even if you say no. But don’t tell me off for pouting.”
“I’ll tell you off for whatever youneed telling off for,” Bai said, but she was grinning. The snarl of worry and doubt in her gut was easing open with every new thing Tim said, especially the fact that he didn’t have to cast and flail about to list his good points. They were points Bai knew, more or less, but watching him list them made her feel all warm and pink and sparkly inside, like candy.
Taking his hands in hers, she squeezed them and smiled at him. “That was good, though, not gonna lie. I liked hearing all those things. ‘Cause I feel lots of ways about you, Tim, and this has kinda been one of them? But I am so so sososososo freaked about us losing the friendship we have, because I don’t have that kind of friendship with anybody else and it’s the best one I ever EVER had. YOU know what I mean.” She squeezed again, letting her fingertips buzz him.
“This is something we have to figure out together, for sure. What works for us as friends and what can work for us if we’re more than friends. So yah, I think dinner is a good start. Yes I’ll go to dinner with you, Tim!”
Bai let herself hug him then, somewhat more reserved than her usual throw-self-against-friend technique. Things were already changing. But she was a speedster, and that meant nothing *but* change, after all. There was no need to be scared, right?
He might be a little self-deprecating from time to time, and really, really didn’t like to brag, but he knew he had good qualities and he knew what they were, so he wasn’t going to pretend like he was completely hopeless when he finally had a chance to get what he really wanted.
“I’ve been scared to ask you out, in case this messed up and we lost how close we are, but… Look at me and Steph, you know? We’re still really close.” He said, holding her hands tightly. His eyes widened slightly and he grinned widely as she hugged him.
“Great. Dinner. Where do you want to go and are you free now because I may have forgotten to eat much since I saw Steph last night…” He said, sheepishly, hugging her back before pulling back a little and kissing her cheek. Before blushing. Like a tomato.
“Yah, that’s true. You and Steph managed to work things through. But I dunno, maybe you two are an exception? I’m kinda waiting to see if Wally and Dick manage to be friends again, ‘cause they broke up BAD and they’re a speedster and a bat instead of two bats, y’know, andIthink that makes a difference.”
Bai was still apprehensive, but she had to admit that Tim kissing her cheek and then blushing like crazy was pretty sweet. And made her insides get all flippy.
“Anyhow NO I’m not ready to go on our date right right NOW! We should plan something better than just you needing to eat ‘cause you’re a dope at taking care of yourself!! If you want I can go pick up food and then we can discuss, uh, ground rules or whatever we wanna call ‘em? That way we can concentrate on more date-y topics when we go on our date!”
“I’m kinda hoping if our dinner goes well and we end up dating we don’t break up, so we wouldn’t have to know, but… You’re my best friend. In the world. I’m sure if we do decide to not be together, we’d not split apart. I wouldn’t let that happen.” He said, offering a small smile. “You’re never going to get rid of me, Bai, not for good.”
“Oh. Uh. Yeah, of course. I just forgot! I was working on my computer and you know what I’m like when I get focussed on something…” His eyes widened slightly. Ground rules? He’d not had ground rules with Steph, or Tam… But, ground rules… That might be a good idea. “Okay. Let’s do that. Food and talking.” He smiled. “What do you want to eat for that?”
Bai held up her hands, takeout bags dangling from her fingers. “Moussaka, vegetarian pastitsio, hummus, saganaki, and bougatsa for dessert. Sound good?” She trotted into Tim’s modest kitchen area and dumped the bags there, looking at him expectantly. Bai was good with eating straight out of takeout containers or cooking pots, or eating off of plates or out of bowls — but she hated the intermediate stage, removing food from one place and putting it on another. It gave her the willies, for some reason.
Doing a lazy circle or two of the kitchen, she remarked, “Youshouldhave food near your computer for when you don’t wanna get up or you remember food, so then you don’t forget. Don’t you have some kinda Bat-brand energy bar or something? Full of stuff that batsliketo eat like bananas and acai berries and and and small insects?”
“Sounds like you’re planning on making me explode.” He said, grinning and following her to start serving out all the food, Bai getting more than him- because there was no way he could eat exactly half of all of that, and it wasn’t like she was going to let any go to waste. He carried the plates to the living room, setting them down on the coffee table. The small dining table was covered in paper and computer parts, Tm never ate from it.
“I should have f- I don’t eat small insects, Bai. Not sure about the others, though.” He chuckled, smiling at her and gesturing to the settee. “I’ve been thinking of getting a rat.” He said, apropos of nothing. Suddenly he felt like bursting into random small talk. What have come over him? If you mention the weather I’m going to throw myself out of the window. And now you’re talking to yourself in your own head. Well done.
“Why do you want a rat for? A Roomba would be more efficient Tim for reals.” Bai nodded wisely as she sat on the settee with her long legs spindled up, cradling her plate of food to her chest for better and more rapid consumption. “A rat would just create as much mess and litter as it got rid of, it’s not a goodchoice when it comes to cleaning your house.”
She paused there to apply herself to her food, clearing through the enormous slab of pasta with little urgent, hungry noises of pleasure as the food started settling into the cavernous need for sustenance inside her. Sometimes Bai didn’t like eating around non-speedsters (they seemed to think watching her eat was gross, which made no sense because nobody told them they HAD to watch and anyway she needed to eat to LIVE, SO SORRY), but she didn’t much worry about Tim. He’d never said he was grossed out, so she took that at face value.
“So,” she started, since this was as good a time as any, “what kindsofstuff do you see us doing when we’re going out that’s differentfrom when we’re friends?” No time like the present!
He settled down with his more modest meal. “Well, I’m not getting it to clean up, you know? I just want one… As a pet. To keep me company, or something.” Tim said, shrugging.
Bai’s ‘speedster stuff’ had never bothered Tim, not seriously. He knew she needed more food than he did, and she consumed it a lot quicker than non-speedsters, but it had never really come into his field of consciousness. It’d just been… Bai. Just like how she was always moving, and how she could do things in the blink of an eye. It was part of why he liked her so much, really. He felt like he was the calm in the eye of her storm when he was with her, the stillness to her speed.
“Uh.” He paused, thinking abut exactly what it had meant when he was with Steph, and Tam, and considering how different this would be to that. “Well. More planning, I guess? We tend to… Fall into seeing each other, you know? And I want to make sure I see you because I miss you when I don’t.” He ate quietly for a moment, thinking about other things to add. “And… Like I said. I want to be able to hold your hand and maybe kiss you if we’re both okay with that and see you curled up on the sofa in my sweater and think it’s cute and wonder if you took that one because I hadn’t washed it since the last time I wore it and it smelled of me.” He trailed off, getting quieter. “I guess. It’s more. I want to be able to feel like I can think of you that way, as gorgeous and handsome and everything in between without feeling odd because you’re ‘just my best friend’ as if ‘best friends’ are just anything.” He put his half cleared plate down for a second, turning to Bai.
“I think what I’m trying to get at is that… I think the difference in what we do is going to be more up here.” He tapped his temple. “Rather than what we do, we’ll just… Plan better.” He said with a shrug. “What would… you want to do differently?”
Bai put down her plate and gave Tim a pleased look. “I like that,” she said. She’d especially liked the part where he said he thought of her as *gorgeous and handsome and everything in between*, because sometimes she enjoyed feeling handsome, more than feeling *pretty*.
“That was kinda unfair of me to ask you that because to be honest I don’t know what’ll be different between us, Tim. I wanted to see if you had specific ideas so maybe it would help me figure it out, y’know? And I like how your stuff sounds — like being best friends still, but more structured and more intimate. You know I’m super into things being structured. It sounds like a good balance to me, having a basic blueprint and then building on it together.” She nodded emphatically.
“Although … I mean it’s not a huge huge deal to me, and I get in moods where I don’t want any for aaaaaages, but I like having sex. What’re we gonna do about that?” Bai stretched out one leg to dig her toes into Tim’s hip, urgently. “Even without sex I have a lot of really specific issues about being touched. Sometimes I don’t want anybody touching me at all and sometimes I want somebody to lie on me ‘cause I need the pressure feeling especially after being in Speed Force for a while. That kinda thing. I need to know we can work around specifics, if we’re gonna be intimate.”
“Structure’s good. Always need to have a plan.” He said with a little grin. This was okay. Talking about how he felt was going okay. Of course it was, this was Bai. If actually talking about stuff- important stuff- was going to go okay with anyone, it would be her.
He nodded, pausing for a long moment after she finished speaking. Tim sighed a little. “I don’t know if I can… If sex is a thing I can do.” He said, frowning a little. “I can be there, for the times you need touch, when you need the pressure, I can do that with no problems at all, I mean… You know what I get like, sometimes. I get touchy and embarrassingly clingy and you’re usually the person I go to when I get like that, so.” He took a deep breath.
“I could… I could try? Sex, I mean. If it’s important at all. I could try, with you.” He said, hand gently running over Bai’s foot, not really paying attention to what he was doing. “And… if I can’t, then maybe we could talk about… other options? I mean, look at Oliver, and- all of- you know.” He gestured vaguely with his free hand. “Maybe we could do something like that, you could find someone who… Who can do that, for you.” He swallowed thickly. He’d rather she didn’t, that they could just be them, but he wasn’t about to say ‘I can’t do this, so you’re not allowed to’, just when he’d got to this place, when they were actually talking about the important parts of what this was going to be.
“Yah no, that’s not a good arrangement for me. I am a speedster. Multiple people don’t do it for us.” Bai paused, wincing to herself as she thought of Wally and his trainwreck threeway relationship. It had probably seemed like a failsafe — with both Dick AND Roy, there’s always be somebody — but Wally’d ended up more groundless than ever.
Bai shook her head hard, and said more determinedly, “We need one person who’ll be there for us all the time. We need a grounding rod. If you’re my grounding rod, Tim, I can’t be with other people.”
Puffing her breath out, Bai rolled over and stretched, adding her other foot to the one kneading against Tim’s hip. “Okay, so we at least brought up the whole sex thing! Probably we won’t solveitnow anyhow, so. No point trying to push for an answer neither of us can give yet. We see how goes! We might find a good groove together and get smushy without even knowing it!”
“I’m… I’m pretty relived you said that.” He said, smiling wider. “I don’t want to have to share you, as selfish as that sounds.” Tim absent-mindedly continued touching Bai’s foot, almost massaging it as his now-forgotten leftovers got cold.
“Yeah, that’s true, we can’t force anything and if we just let stuff happen… Something might happen.” He shrugged. If anything was going to happen with anyone it was going to be with Bai, Tim thought, but he still felt that it was unlikely, that he’d ever be interested in that.
“So… Now… The plan.” He said, grinning. “Where do you want to go for dinner, and when are you free?” He asked, squeezing her foot a little.
“You always have to share me!! Just not like that.” She flexed her foot under Tim’s hand, grinning as she gave him a hard time. Bai’s compulsive need for total precision in statements when it came to friends and especially relationships could be aggravating, she knew, but she couldn’t help it. It was how her brain and heart functioned, and for the most part, it kept her from getting in effed up situations like Wally did. She loved Wally, but they were so different when it came to non-speedster things. Family could be like that, she supposed.
“Aren’t you out of town soon?” Bai asked, reaching over to drag her fingertips briefly down Tim’s bicep. “So we’ll make plans to make plans when you get back. I have lots of things to do before then too, and lots of thinking to do, and I dunno what I’ll be in the mood for, so!”
Tim pulled a face at the speedster. “You know what I mean.” He said, squeezing her foot a little harder and grinning. Tim liked how Bai made sure everything was said explicitly- he found it hard, sometimes, to take implicit cues when he wasn’t trying to solve a case, especially when it came to his friends.
“Mm, I’m supposed to make an appearance at a conference on behalf of the foundation in Chicago this weekend.” He said, sighing. “It’s not looking like it’ll be much fun, but I heard some rumours that a tech company will be releasing some new gadgets, which I’m pretty excited about. The rumours are kind of vague, though.” He crossed his other hand over, catching Bai’s hand and linking their fingers. “That means you have until… Uh, Tuesday, to decide what you want to do. Think that’s long enough?” He asked.
“Long enough,” Bai said drolly. Non-speedsters talking about time was a secret source of amusement for all of her kind, for reasons they could never quite explain. “We’ll do something nice and fun and upbeat to help you shake off all the squodge of being at a tech conference. Yah, yah, I know you find those thingsexciting but they’re not exciting to hear about unless you’re Batman!”
Laughing, Bai doubled over to barrel her head against Tim’s side, settling down. “For now, let’s just watch tv and be niceanddrowsy all evening,” she purred, and from the way Tim made a wheezy little sound of contentment, she figured this was just fine by him, too.
The door was barely open before Bai was crowding her way in, hands on her hips. She glared at Tim, under her eyes pouching as she loudly buzzed, “idnwhtuuretnnkgthzzzztxtzzzbticaaantbleeeuughtzzzzzzzzaoodia!!!”
Looking slightly terrified, Tim backed up, palms up in front of him.
“Bai… I have no idea what you just said but please don’t be mad, okay? I… It was the timing that was the problem with me… Not being able to ask you before, and…” He stepped forwards, peering at her from under his bangs. “I really didn’t want to mess this up but I obviously have, and I’m really sorry.”
Making a sonically high (but fortunately not at glass-breaking pitch) noise of frustration, Bai lapped Tim sixty-eight times before pulling up in front of him again. She still had her eyes narrowed, and now her already spiky hair was standing up a little more on end, like a cat’s.
“I said,” she blared, “I dunno what you were thinking with those texts but I can’t believe you thought it was a good idea!!” She screwed her mouth to the side. “And why shouldn’t I be mad? We been friends for HOW long now, Tim? What made you think I was so—”
Cutting herself off, Bai gave a short, annoyed yowl and took a breath. “Okay so,” she said to Tim. “Tell me. Why you wanna date me?”
Tim grimaced at her noise, resisting the urge to cover his ears, but ow, that was loud. His eyes flickered from side so side as she ran round him, before locking onto her as she slowed.
He stood there and waited for Bai to calm down a little, nodding as she spoke.
“Why? Well… Because you’re… You. You’re funny, and really, really clever, even if you don’t always credit yourself for it, and you’re the only person I want to see, most of the time.” He said, blushing a little. “You look amazing, even when you’ve just woke up and when you’re eating and when those things coincide and you’re sat eating cereal and you just sit there with the spoon hanging out of your mouth while you watch cartoons. And… Well. I just. I like you.” He stepped closer to her again, almost timidly.
“And I want to be able to do stupid stuff like hold your hand and kiss you and take you to dinner and buy you ludicrous oversized teddies because that’s what boyfriends do, right?” Tim continued, scratching his fingers through his hair. “I can always trust you to tell me when I’m being a total idiot- like now- and. I don’t know how to do this and I don’t know why you’d say yes but I really want to go out with you. A lot.”
“Okay, that’s a start.” Bai pulled at a loose thread on her elbow, wrapping it around her finger as it came unraveled. “I like seeing you too, and I mean that you’re my best friend and good to hang around with plus I like how you look. Lots of times I wanna be away from all the noise and people and crowds and things but I don’t wanna be alone, and I know I can do that with you.”
The thread around her finger was making the tip of it cold and purple now, but the feeling of it calmed her down. “Although I don’t like stuffies, they creep me out. I like holding hands and kissing and dinner, but…” Bai sighed. “But I dunno if I should like them with *you*, Tim. I think it’s a huge massive spluh of a mistake to want to date your best friend when you’re feeling down on yourself or scared. So I guess — let’s putitthisway.”
She looked at Tim seriously. “Don’t tellmeyou don’t know why I’d say yes. Tell me why I SHOULD say yes. I can deal with you being all self-deprecating and ‘there’s a million squillion people better than meeee’ if we’re friends, Tim, because that’s what biffies are all about. I don’t think I want that in a boyfriend. So tell me why I should date *you*, Tim Drake, my total best friend.”
“I feel the same. About not wanting to be alone but not wanting to be with loads of people.” He said, frowning a little at her finger, but not saying or doing anything about it. Tim didn’t want to… annoy her, on top of making her upset over the texts.
“It’s not just because I’m lonely, or scared. Yes, I’ll admit that… I guess I am, Bai, I’m scared of losing everyone.” He sighed a little, crossing his arms across his chest. “But… Look, Bai, I’ve wanted to ask you out for a long time. I just had… I don’t know, a wake-up call that I should do something about it recently, and I don’t want to lose my chance.”
“Oh. Uh. Bai, I wasn’t actually being self-deprecating this time. It was more an… ‘I’ve been a prat and I was expecting you to say no on principle’ thing.” Tim shrugged. “You want reasons why you should go out with me? Uh. Okay. Well, I know what you like, and what you don’t. I know I can make you laugh. I’m clever, and it’s not like you have to worry about me cheating on you.” He huffed out a little breath. “And you know the real me. That I can crack jokes and that I read ‘stuffy’ poetry, that I have cravings for junkfood and cuddles at really random moments, and that I pretty much love you more than anyone else, because you are my best friend. And you always will be, even if you say no. But don’t tell me off for pouting.”
“I’ll tell you off for whatever youneed telling off for,” Bai said, but she was grinning. The snarl of worry and doubt in her gut was easing open with every new thing Tim said, especially the fact that he didn’t have to cast and flail about to list his good points. They were points Bai knew, more or less, but watching him list them made her feel all warm and pink and sparkly inside, like candy.
Taking his hands in hers, she squeezed them and smiled at him. “That was good, though, not gonna lie. I liked hearing all those things. ‘Cause I feel lots of ways about you, Tim, and this has kinda been one of them? But I am so so sososososo freaked about us losing the friendship we have, because I don’t have that kind of friendship with anybody else and it’s the best one I ever EVER had. YOU know what I mean.” She squeezed again, letting her fingertips buzz him.
“This is something we have to figure out together, for sure. What works for us as friends and what can work for us if we’re more than friends. So yah, I think dinner is a good start. Yes I’ll go to dinner with you, Tim!”
Bai let herself hug him then, somewhat more reserved than her usual throw-self-against-friend technique. Things were already changing. But she was a speedster, and that meant nothing *but* change, after all. There was no need to be scared, right?
He might be a little self-deprecating from time to time, and really, really didn’t like to brag, but he knew he had good qualities and he knew what they were, so he wasn’t going to pretend like he was completely hopeless when he finally had a chance to get what he really wanted.
“I’ve been scared to ask you out, in case this messed up and we lost how close we are, but… Look at me and Steph, you know? We’re still really close.” He said, holding her hands tightly. His eyes widened slightly and he grinned widely as she hugged him.
“Great. Dinner. Where do you want to go and are you free now because I may have forgotten to eat much since I saw Steph last night…” He said, sheepishly, hugging her back before pulling back a little and kissing her cheek. Before blushing. Like a tomato.
“Yah, that’s true. You and Steph managed to work things through. But I dunno, maybe you two are an exception? I’m kinda waiting to see if Wally and Dick manage to be friends again, ‘cause they broke up BAD and they’re a speedster and a bat instead of two bats, y’know, andIthink that makes a difference.”
Bai was still apprehensive, but she had to admit that Tim kissing her cheek and then blushing like crazy was pretty sweet. And made her insides get all flippy.
“Anyhow NO I’m not ready to go on our date right right NOW! We should plan something better than just you needing to eat ‘cause you’re a dope at taking care of yourself!! If you want I can go pick up food and then we can discuss, uh, ground rules or whatever we wanna call ‘em? That way we can concentrate on more date-y topics when we go on our date!”
“I’m kinda hoping if our dinner goes well and we end up dating we don’t break up, so we wouldn’t have to know, but… You’re my best friend. In the world. I’m sure if we do decide to not be together, we’d not split apart. I wouldn’t let that happen.” He said, offering a small smile. “You’re never going to get rid of me, Bai, not for good.”
“Oh. Uh. Yeah, of course. I just forgot! I was working on my computer and you know what I’m like when I get focussed on something…” His eyes widened slightly. Ground rules? He’d not had ground rules with Steph, or Tam… But, ground rules… That might be a good idea. “Okay. Let’s do that. Food and talking.” He smiled. “What do you want to eat for that?”
Bai held up her hands, takeout bags dangling from her fingers. “Moussaka, vegetarian pastitsio, hummus, saganaki, and bougatsa for dessert. Sound good?” She trotted into Tim’s modest kitchen area and dumped the bags there, looking at him expectantly. Bai was good with eating straight out of takeout containers or cooking pots, or eating off of plates or out of bowls — but she hated the intermediate stage, removing food from one place and putting it on another. It gave her the willies, for some reason.
Doing a lazy circle or two of the kitchen, she remarked, “Youshouldhave food near your computer for when you don’t wanna get up or you remember food, so then you don’t forget. Don’t you have some kinda Bat-brand energy bar or something? Full of stuff that batsliketo eat like bananas and acai berries and and and small insects?”
“Sounds like you’re planning on making me explode.” He said, grinning and following her to start serving out all the food, Bai getting more than him- because there was no way he could eat exactly half of all of that, and it wasn’t like she was going to let any go to waste. He carried the plates to the living room, setting them down on the coffee table. The small dining table was covered in paper and computer parts, Tm never ate from it.
“I should have f- I don’t eat small insects, Bai. Not sure about the others, though.” He chuckled, smiling at her and gesturing to the settee. “I’ve been thinking of getting a rat.” He said, apropos of nothing. Suddenly he felt like bursting into random small talk. What have come over him? If you mention the weather I’m going to throw myself out of the window. And now you’re talking to yourself in your own head. Well done.
“Why do you want a rat for? A Roomba would be more efficient Tim for reals.” Bai nodded wisely as she sat on the settee with her long legs spindled up, cradling her plate of food to her chest for better and more rapid consumption. “A rat would just create as much mess and litter as it got rid of, it’s not a goodchoice when it comes to cleaning your house.”
She paused there to apply herself to her food, clearing through the enormous slab of pasta with little urgent, hungry noises of pleasure as the food started settling into the cavernous need for sustenance inside her. Sometimes Bai didn’t like eating around non-speedsters (they seemed to think watching her eat was gross, which made no sense because nobody told them they HAD to watch and anyway she needed to eat to LIVE, SO SORRY), but she didn’t much worry about Tim. He’d never said he was grossed out, so she took that at face value.
“So,” she started, since this was as good a time as any, “what kindsofstuff do you see us doing when we’re going out that’s differentfrom when we’re friends?” No time like the present!
He settled down with his more modest meal. “Well, I’m not getting it to clean up, you know? I just want one… As a pet. To keep me company, or something.” Tim said, shrugging.
Bai’s ‘speedster stuff’ had never bothered Tim, not seriously. He knew she needed more food than he did, and she consumed it a lot quicker than non-speedsters, but it had never really come into his field of consciousness. It’d just been… Bai. Just like how she was always moving, and how she could do things in the blink of an eye. It was part of why he liked her so much, really. He felt like he was the calm in the eye of her storm when he was with her, the stillness to her speed.
“Uh.” He paused, thinking abut exactly what it had meant when he was with Steph, and Tam, and considering how different this would be to that. “Well. More planning, I guess? We tend to… Fall into seeing each other, you know? And I want to make sure I see you because I miss you when I don’t.” He ate quietly for a moment, thinking about other things to add. “And… Like I said. I want to be able to hold your hand and maybe kiss you if we’re both okay with that and see you curled up on the sofa in my sweater and think it’s cute and wonder if you took that one because I hadn’t washed it since the last time I wore it and it smelled of me.” He trailed off, getting quieter. “I guess. It’s more. I want to be able to feel like I can think of you that way, as gorgeous and handsome and everything in between without feeling odd because you’re ‘just my best friend’ as if ‘best friends’ are just anything.” He put his half cleared plate down for a second, turning to Bai.
“I think what I’m trying to get at is that… I think the difference in what we do is going to be more up here.” He tapped his temple. “Rather than what we do, we’ll just… Plan better.” He said with a shrug. “What would… you want to do differently?”
Bai put down her plate and gave Tim a pleased look. “I like that,” she said. She’d especially liked the part where he said he thought of her as *gorgeous and handsome and everything in between*, because sometimes she enjoyed feeling handsome, more than feeling *pretty*.
“That was kinda unfair of me to ask you that because to be honest I don’t know what’ll be different between us, Tim. I wanted to see if you had specific ideas so maybe it would help me figure it out, y’know? And I like how your stuff sounds — like being best friends still, but more structured and more intimate. You know I’m super into things being structured. It sounds like a good balance to me, having a basic blueprint and then building on it together.” She nodded emphatically.
“Although … I mean it’s not a huge huge deal to me, and I get in moods where I don’t want any for aaaaaages, but I like having sex. What’re we gonna do about that?” Bai stretched out one leg to dig her toes into Tim’s hip, urgently. “Even without sex I have a lot of really specific issues about being touched. Sometimes I don’t want anybody touching me at all and sometimes I want somebody to lie on me ‘cause I need the pressure feeling especially after being in Speed Force for a while. That kinda thing. I need to know we can work around specifics, if we’re gonna be intimate.”
“Structure’s good. Always need to have a plan.” He said with a little grin. This was okay. Talking about how he felt was going okay. Of course it was, this was Bai. If actually talking about stuff- important stuff- was going to go okay with anyone, it would be her.
He nodded, pausing for a long moment after she finished speaking. Tim sighed a little. “I don’t know if I can… If sex is a thing I can do.” He said, frowning a little. “I can be there, for the times you need touch, when you need the pressure, I can do that with no problems at all, I mean… You know what I get like, sometimes. I get touchy and embarrassingly clingy and you’re usually the person I go to when I get like that, so.” He took a deep breath.
“I could… I could try? Sex, I mean. If it’s important at all. I could try, with you.” He said, hand gently running over Bai’s foot, not really paying attention to what he was doing. “And… if I can’t, then maybe we could talk about… other options? I mean, look at Oliver, and- all of- you know.” He gestured vaguely with his free hand. “Maybe we could do something like that, you could find someone who… Who can do that, for you.” He swallowed thickly. He’d rather she didn’t, that they could just be them, but he wasn’t about to say ‘I can’t do this, so you’re not allowed to’, just when he’d got to this place, when they were actually talking about the important parts of what this was going to be.
“Yah no, that’s not a good arrangement for me. I am a speedster. Multiple people don’t do it for us.” Bai paused, wincing to herself as she thought of Wally and his trainwreck threeway relationship. It had probably seemed like a failsafe — with both Dick AND Roy, there’s always be somebody — but Wally’d ended up more groundless than ever.
Bai shook her head hard, and said more determinedly, “We need one person who’ll be there for us all the time. We need a grounding rod. If you’re my grounding rod, Tim, I can’t be with other people.”
Puffing her breath out, Bai rolled over and stretched, adding her other foot to the one kneading against Tim’s hip. “Okay, so we at least brought up the whole sex thing! Probably we won’t solveitnow anyhow, so. No point trying to push for an answer neither of us can give yet. We see how goes! We might find a good groove together and get smushy without even knowing it!”
“I’m… I’m pretty relived you said that.” He said, smiling wider. “I don’t want to have to share you, as selfish as that sounds.” Tim absent-mindedly continued touching Bai’s foot, almost massaging it as his now-forgotten leftovers got cold.
“Yeah, that’s true, we can’t force anything and if we just let stuff happen… Something might happen.” He shrugged. If anything was going to happen with anyone it was going to be with Bai, Tim thought, but he still felt that it was unlikely, that he’d ever be interested in that.
“So… Now… The plan.” He said, grinning. “Where do you want to go for dinner, and when are you free?” He asked, squeezing her foot a little.
“You always have to share me!! Just not like that.” She flexed her foot under Tim’s hand, grinning as she gave him a hard time. Bai’s compulsive need for total precision in statements when it came to friends and especially relationships could be aggravating, she knew, but she couldn’t help it. It was how her brain and heart functioned, and for the most part, it kept her from getting in effed up situations like Wally did. She loved Wally, but they were so different when it came to non-speedster things. Family could be like that, she supposed.
“Aren’t you out of town soon?” Bai asked, reaching over to drag her fingertips briefly down Tim’s bicep. “So we’ll make plans to make plans when you get back. I have lots of things to do before then too, and lots of thinking to do, and I dunno what I’ll be in the mood for, so!”
Tim pulled a face at the speedster. “You know what I mean.” He said, squeezing her foot a little harder and grinning. Tim liked how Bai made sure everything was said explicitly- he found it hard, sometimes, to take implicit cues when he wasn’t trying to solve a case, especially when it came to his friends.
“Mm, I’m supposed to make an appearance at a conference on behalf of the foundation in Chicago this weekend.” He said, sighing. “It’s not looking like it’ll be much fun, but I heard some rumours that a tech company will be releasing some new gadgets, which I’m pretty excited about. The rumours are kind of vague, though.” He crossed his other hand over, catching Bai’s hand and linking their fingers. “That means you have until… Uh, Tuesday, to decide what you want to do. Think that’s long enough?” He asked.
“Long enough,” Bai said drolly. Non-speedsters talking about time was a secret source of amusement for all of her kind, for reasons they could never quite explain. “We’ll do something nice and fun and upbeat to help you shake off all the squodge of being at a tech conference. Yah, yah, I know you find those thingsexciting but they’re not exciting to hear about unless you’re Batman!”
Laughing, Bai doubled over to barrel her head against Tim’s side, settling down. “For now, let’s just watch tv and be niceanddrowsy all evening,” she purred, and from the way Tim made a wheezy little sound of contentment, she figured this was just fine by him, too.